Episode 29

[upbeat music] Being in Indianapolis for just a couple weeks it reminded me of this word called homesick, homesickness, and I, I am someone who is just-- I have perpetually battled with a form of homesickness probably my entire life.

It's a strange thing.

Um, I, I've, uh, you know, it doesn't come up a lot in conversation but it does remind me of when I was a kid and it was something I struggled with to a crippling degree.

It's an embarrassing thing to even talk about, not this late in life, but I remember it was something that was so embarrassing to me, um, in probably between the ages of, I don't know, I would say 7 and 11.

Um, you know, just those years where you're making friends and back in my day we would, you know, we would do sleepovers at friends' houses.

It was-- It's different than it is now where there's a lot of, you know, there's been sort of a pushback against doing that but back in our day we would do that and it didn't even have to be friends.

It could've been, you know, cousins I had or, um, you know, even my grandparents' house.

And what would happen was I would, I would, um- You know, we'd set up, you know, like a sleepover with a friend or if I was heading over to Grams and Pops' house and there would be something inside of me that would just absolutely collapse.

And so I'd be going to my friend's house.

I'm super excited to hang with my buddy and I get there and this feeling of just total lostness would wash over me and I would start trembling and I would, um, I would have to control my emotions because I just wanted to start crying.

And there was this feeling of just, uh, almost like I, I just needed to get back home.

I just, it was, um, it was some kind of anxiety of being separated from my mom and dad and it just absolutely just floored me emotionally.

And the problem is, is when you're nine years old and you're going to a buddy's house and maybe another buddy is coming over to the house and you're the guy trembling in the corner just saying, "I miss my mommy and daddy," it just doesn't fly.

And, um, so it was humiliating because it's something I hated, but I didn't have any control over it.

And so this, this feeling of homesickness just permeated those years of my life.

And I remember I would still attempt to do the thing.

I would still, I would still say, "No, no, I wanna try.

I wanna go to, I wanna go to my buddy's house.

I wanna do it.

I don't want it to control me." Even then I was using that kind of language, right? But then sure enough, I would get there and I would...

It was just the biggest struggle in the world.

And, um, I don't...

It, you know, at one point it just absolutely vanished.

I remember I was in sixth grade, so I would've been 11 or 12 years old, and, um, we took a class trip to this really crazy, if I have any recollection of it, it was, it was this really crazy kind of like Western camp resort.

Uh, what, I don't know.

[upbeat music] Being in Indianapolis for just a couple weeks it reminded me of this word called homesick, homesickness, and I, I am someone who is just-- I have perpetually battled with a form of homesickness probably my entire life.

It's a strange thing.

Um, I, I've, uh, you know, it doesn't come up a lot in conversation but it does remind me of when I was a kid and it was something I struggled with to a crippling degree.

It's an embarrassing thing to even talk about, not this late in life, but I remember it was something that was so embarrassing to me, um, in probably between the ages of, I don't know, I would say 7 and 11.

Um, you know, just those years where you're making friends and back in my day we would, you know, we would do sleepovers at friends' houses.

It was-- It's different than it is now where there's a lot of, you know, there's been sort of a pushback against doing that but back in our day we would do that and it didn't even have to be friends.

It could've been, you know, cousins I had or, um, you know, even my grandparents' house.

And what would happen was I would, I would, um- You know, we'd set up, you know, like a sleepover with a friend or if I was heading over to Grams and Pops' house and there would be something inside of me that would just absolutely collapse.

And so I'd be going to my friend's house.

I'm super excited to hang with my buddy and I get there and this feeling of just total lostness would wash over me and I would start trembling and I would, um, I would have to control my emotions because I just wanted to start crying.

And there was this feeling of just, uh, almost like I, I just needed to get back home.

I just, it was, um, it was some kind of anxiety of being separated from my mom and dad and it just absolutely just floored me emotionally.

And the problem is, is when you're nine years old and you're going to a buddy's house and maybe another buddy is coming over to the house and you're the guy trembling in the corner just saying, "I miss my mommy and daddy," it just doesn't fly.

And, um, so it was humiliating because it's something I hated, but I didn't have any control over it.

And so this, this feeling of homesickness just permeated those years of my life.

And I remember I would still attempt to do the thing.

I would still, I would still say, "No, no, I wanna try.

I wanna go to, I wanna go to my buddy's house.

I wanna do it.

I don't want it to control me." Even then I was using that kind of language, right? But then sure enough, I would get there and I would...

It was just the biggest struggle in the world.

And, um, I don't...

It, you know, at one point it just absolutely vanished.

I remember I was in sixth grade, so I would've been 11 or 12 years old, and, um, we took a class trip to this really crazy, if I have any recollection of it, it was, it was this really crazy kind of like Western camp resort.

Uh, what, I don't know.