Ep72:Autism, Neurodiversity, or Narcissism? The Critical Differences in Marriage-Dr Stephanie Holmes

So...

What I work with, and you're going to tell me, I've got a leading question for you, Dr. Holmes, but I want to remind everyone that I think you'll echo this, Dr. Holmes.

The brain likes things to make sense.

And when we interact with our mate, we should be able to, I mean, in a perfect world, we bring an issue to them.

They hear us.

They empathize with us.

They understand what we're asking for.

They reflect it.

They take it in.

They make some adjustments and we get on with things.

And then another issue arises because, you know, in marriage and in families, issues arise.

You approach your mate.

They hear you again or you hear them again.

You reflect and things work relatively smoothly.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Full stop.

Why does, so if we bring in neurodiversity, why does feedback turn into a fight? Why does this thing, why do couples end up in mazes of confusion or webs of confusion? Why doesn't this, you smiled when I said, you know, come on, healthy relationship, you bring an issue, they see you, they respond effectively, they make the changes and changes keep occurring and you grow and you get close and you have many, many times of connection and love and contact and a few times of conflict.

But alas, there are relationships for many different reasons, but you're going to tell us when there's neurodiversity then, how does that throw a cog in the wheel and my goodness experiences?

I was smiling because I was hearkening back to my early counseling days when I worked with neurotypical couples and we could just learn about miscommunication, learn a tool or skill or two and send them on their way in three to six months.

Absolutely.

And that is not my experience now.

That is not what I live now.

Like I've got people I've been with for eight, nine, 10 years.

And I'm learning about children and grandchildren and I'll probably be an unofficial family member as they continue to learn and grow.