How a Humiliating Childhood Moment Taught Me Love Is Better Than Perfection

... to be special and, and I remember being in third grade and, uh, in the classroom above the chalkboard, as we used to have, she had posted this saying that says, "Practice makes perfect." 'Cause we were practicing a lot in third grade, you know, our cursive, our, you know, uh, handwriting, math, all of that.

So I read that over and over and I thought, "Oh my gosh, if I practice, then I will be perfect.

And if I'm perfect, then my teacher will just love me 'cause I'm perfect." So I practiced everything.

I practiced, you know, my lessons of course, and I practiced basketball and the violin.

I practiced everything that came across my way.

And, um, I thought I must be getting close to perfect.

[laughs] And when somebody would like go da- ba- go down in a spelling bee before me, which that was not my strong suit anyway, but if there's someone would go down before me, I would say, "Oh, well, they didn't practice so they're not gonna be perfect." [laughs] So I was ...

Not only was I being a, like probably a little petite, um, perfectionist, but also a little judgmental of other people who were not perfect.

And so that went on in my life until I was in fifth grade.

And when I was in fifth grade, well, all, uh, forever, this school I went to had this, um, tradition that on the pastor's birthday, all of the children, there were about 1,000, would gather in the, um, it was like the basement, but it was really like a cafeteria.

And then, uh, it was underground, and there was a side entrance.

And then we would all gather there, and the pastor would walk in, and we would be there with a cake.

He would come in and he would sit down.

We'd all sing him happy birthday, and a student was chosen to k- bring the cake to the pastor.

And so, um, when I was in fifth grade, I was chosen to bring the cake to the pastor, and of course I was 'cause I was perfect.

[laughs] Why not me? And so I remember asking my mother to bake a cake so I could practice carrying it, and I just wanted it to be perfect.

So anyway, the day came, the pastor, pastor came in to the cafeteria, and the grand entrance was that the student was standing at the top of the scare- the stairs, and would carry the cake down to where the pastor was sitting at, beneath, and everybody was singing Happy Birthday.

So there I was at the top of the stairs poised, holding my cake 'cause I had practiced, I was gonna be perfect, and I got to the third step and I tripped.

Not down the steps, but I held onto the plate because I had practiced and I, even if I tripped, I was holding onto that plate.

Unfortunately, the cake took flight.

So, [laughs] it just did this huge rotation in midair.

The, the deafening silence, 'cause everybody stopped singing and was like, ah, like this gasp, you know? [laughs] And the, the cake rotated and landed right in the pastor's lap, who was sitting down there.

[laughs] It was covered with icing.

And he got up from the chair, and there was not a sound in the place.

He walked up the steps, got to the step, the third from the top where I was standing, and he put his arm around me and he said, "Now that's what I call a birthday surprise." [laughs]