WHY SETTLING WILL K*LL YOU

So my initial thought was settling will kill you, and what I mean by that is being in the wrong relationship or with someone who is not truly for you or just, you know, your person, is doing a lot more harm than good.

I feel like especially in college and in high school, it's fun to, you know, have a significant other, even if they're not, you know, checking every box or out of this world.

And in my opinion, I think that's settling.

And I think a funny example of this and how easy it is to be with someone...

For example, like, think about Love Island.

You know? They take 10 random girls and 10 random boys, and somehow, a bunch of those people find relationships or stay together for a while or even end up getting married or engaged and being together forever.

Like, and again, not coming at these relationships and saying they're not happy.

I just think it's ironic how you can be happy with a bunch of different people.

I think the point here is that soulmates are bullshit, and a big reason I think I feel like this is a lot of the way I was raised.

I mean, I feel like I talk about my parents all the time, and I definitely look up to their relationship in a lot of ways, but something I was telling my friend Maddie the other day, which we were laughing about, is I was like, "You know that my mom has looked me in the eyes many times and been like, 'I could be just as happy, if not more,'" but, you know, maybe I added in that little razzle dazzle.

But my mom was telling me how she thinks that she could be just as happy with 10 other men as she is with my dad, and when she first said that to me, it was probably, like, five, 10 years ago, and I was like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Like, you and Dad are madly in love, so happy, and, you know, seem like soulmates.

And her first take was that she doesn't believe in soulmates, which I think we've talked about on the mic before, and the second reasoning was, well, when someone treats you good and you get along with them, it's, it's pretty easy to, you know, be happy, especially when, you know, both parties are respecting one another.

But sadly, I think a lot of the times respect is the bar, and I feel like there's just so much more to that when you're picking your life partner, and I just think it shows how, oh, you can kinda be happy with a lot of people.

And, you know, not saying maybe they're not more than others, but I think that's, you know, a really good tell.

So I think a big thing that also was inspiring me to film this episode is when I was watching, um, Alex Earle's reality show, and there's, like, the viral quote, you know, that every single girl is using on social media right now of Ashleigh Earle saying, I think...

What does she say? She's like, "I think it's crazy that everyone thinks I need to have a boyfriend in order to have a fulfilled life." And I thought it was ironic in that episode when her stepmo- mother kept saying to her that, was, like, really trying to get her to go date and, you know, find a boy and do all of that.

There was obviously a lot of talk in that reality show about men and, you know, needing to find someone, but I think that is kinda what disrupts the entire cycle of thinking that it's something that you have to do and not something that's an addition to your life.

I think that it's ironic when people feel they're at such a loss when they're not with someone or when someone's treating them bad because it's like, at the end of the day, you know, I always say the quote of, "You always have yourself, and that's a pretty good person to have." And I definitely think when you're searching for things and trying to force them to be into your life, that's when, you know, you kinda bring bad energy and things that aren't meant for you with, into your circle.

I went to Ibiza this summer with my girlfriends for, I was about to say two weeks, but it felt like that because I never slept, but, you know, four days, and I think I had the best time of my life with my girlfriends.

I think that when you're just with your friends and you're having a great time, it is so easy to, you know, not be thinking about anything or anyone else, and then I think when you're alone or it's a Sunday and you're hungover and you just want someone to be there for you, I think that's when it's the easiest time to, you know, sit and dwell on things you want or things you don't have.

I always give the example, too, [laughs] of, like, if you were in Aruba with a bunch of your friends on a boat drinking, would you really still be sitting there thinking about this boy? And it's like, probably not.

I also, you know, do kind of agree with the standpoint of get a, a really good way to get over someone is to get u- under someone new.

But then, you know, I kinda think of that as a Band-Aid, and I think, I was talking to one of my friends about this the other day, and we used the example of a duck.

And I feel like maybe there's a better animal or figure of speech I could use, but we were saying, "Oh, if this duck is to be sitting there and constantly be telling you all these nice and amazing things about you and being so sweet, eventually the duck is gonna start to look pretty cute." And it's not.

[laughs] It's really not.