Aug 30, 2026 · 22 min · 11 segments
What if you didn’t recognize control because, somewhere along the way, **you learned to call it love?** Inspired by the conversations surrounding Netflix’s *Death of the Pastor’s Wife* and the story…
Paula LoweHost
Sometimes it looks like protection, or it can look like I just worry about you or I only want what's best for you.
And sometimes, especially in Christian relationships, it can even sound more like I'm the spiritual leader of this family.
And what looked like love becomes a life in which you need somebody else's permission just to to be yourself.
It is probably the one most dangerous forms of control because you don't really see it.
And I want to take this conversation somewhere deep today because I've been thinking about a question.
What if one reason some of us don't recognize coercive control in adulthood? Because we were trained to accommodate it in childhood.
If some of the other things that didn't happen weren't already enough, let's add something else to it.
It's not necessarily because our parents intentionally prepared us for abusive relationships.
It's not because everyone who had a strict parent is destined for one and absolutely not because a person who experiences abuse is responsible for someone else's decision to abuse them.
I am talking about what our brains learn about relationships starting as early as childhood.
Sometimes it looks like protection, or it can look like I just worry about you or I only want what's best for you.
And sometimes, especially in Christian relationships, it can even sound more like I'm the spiritual leader of this family.
And what looked like love becomes a life in which you need somebody else's permission just to to be yourself.
It is probably the one most dangerous forms of control because you don't really see it.
And I want to take this conversation somewhere deep today because I've been thinking about a question.
What if one reason some of us don't recognize coercive control in adulthood? Because we were trained to accommodate it in childhood.
If some of the other things that didn't happen weren't already enough, let's add something else to it.
It's not necessarily because our parents intentionally prepared us for abusive relationships.
It's not because everyone who had a strict parent is destined for one and absolutely not because a person who experiences abuse is responsible for someone else's decision to abuse them.
I am talking about what our brains learn about relationships starting as early as childhood.
The rest of this transcript — segmented and speaker-labeled, so you land on the exact moment something was said
Search every transcript — by keyword, by phrase, or by meaning, across every show Radar indexes
Trends — what is surging across podcasts, measured against its own baseline
Alerts — when a name you follow appears in a newly indexed episode
No account is needed to search Radar.