Finding Your Voice After Years of People-Pleasing—with Sharon Costianes

Episode 70: Finding Your Voice After Years of People-Pleasing—with Sharon Costianes In this conversation, Dr. Jen and Dr. Mel talk with Sharon Costianes, GCFP, founder of Resonant Knowing, about how movement, voice, and nervous system regulation shape the way we heal, express ourselves, and build safety in our bodies. They explore why chronic pain, people pleasing, and emotional suppression often show up as physical patterns and how small, intentional movement can help interrupt them. Sharon shares practical insight from Feldenkrais work, somatic education, and trauma informed coaching, including a live example of how subtle movement shifts can change posture, reduce tension, and support new patterns of safety.     Key topics - In this episode, Sharon explains her background as a guild certified Feldenkrais practitioner, trauma informed somatic voice coach, and founder of Resonant Knowing. - The conversation centers on the gap between knowing what you need and actually being able to express it, especially for women used to carrying everyone else’s needs. - Sharon breaks down how habit patterns in the nervous system can contribute to chronic pain, shoulder tension, low back pain, and asymmetry. - She explains Feldenkrais as a method that uses tiny, verbally guided movement lessons to help the nervous system relearn more efficient patterns. - The hosts discuss how safety, consent, and pacing are essential in any body based work. - Sharon describes why results can happen quickly, even though the movements are small, because the brain and body respond to new information fast. - A live demo shows how a simple cross body movement pattern can reduce tension and shift the organization of the shoulder, neck, and eye. - The episode digs into people pleasing as both a thought habit and a physical pattern that lives in the body. - Sharon explains the stress cycle, including fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and why completing activation matters instead of just calming down. - They discuss how women often suppress emotion, interrupt stress responses, and lose access to what safety feels like. - Sharon shares her own daily regulation routine, including meditation, movement, Feldenkrais practice, and phone reminders to check in with her body. - The episode closes with a reflection on coming home to yourself as a core part of healing.   Timestamps 00:00 - Why speaking up feels hard even when you know what you need 00:30 - Sharon Costianes and the work of Resonant Knowing 03:19 - How neuroidentity, habits, and body patterns overlap 04:22 - Why early movement patterns can shape adult pain 07:19 - What a Feldenkrais session actually looks like 09:02 - Using touch and movement to reveal hidden tension patterns 10:35 - Safety, consent, and why small movements matter 12:53 - How quickly the nervous system can change 13:23 - Sharon’s own low back pain breakthrough 15:09 - Why new movement patterns don’t always stick outside the session 16:46 - Working with children and when intervention matters 17:32 - Why typically developing kids are often best left alone 21:45 - What somatic therapy means in practice 22:27 - Somatic education for pain relief and performance 23:43 - How body patterns connect to mindset and self talk 25:25 - People pleasing as a learned pattern in body and mind 26:48 - A live example of a people pleasing body pattern 28:32 - Using crossed movement to shift tension and posture 31:11 - What to do before a hard conversation 32:20 - Regulating the nervous system in a way that fits you 33:33 - How to build a felt sense of safety 35:59 - Why regulation is not the same as calming down 39:35 - What the stress cycle is and why it matters 40:19 - Fight or flight, threat response, and body chemistry 42:13 - How movement helps complete the cycle 43:27 - Why unprocessed stress can show up as chronic illness 44:07 - Sharon’s personal nervous system support routine 46:28 - Why caregivers need regulation too 47:28 - Learning safety through relationship and presence 49:16 - Sharon’s upcoming Homecoming workshop   Connect with the Hosts & Guests! 📱Sharon Costianes | Founder, Resonant Knowing LLC [sharon@resonantknowing.com](mailto:sharon@resonantknowing.com) | www.resonantknowing.com   Direct link for Sharon's Homecoming   📱 Dr. Jen & Dr. Mel Instagram: Health In Motion Wellness , Health In Motion Chiropractic Facebook: Health in Motion Wellness , Health In Motion Chiropractic  Websites: www.drauchter.com , www.healthinmotion-wellness.com   Our YOUTUBE channel:  www.youtube.com/@gutfeelingslifeunfiltered?si=KIF1oOQm64FhEE6Y   💬 Enjoying the podcast? Follow, rate, and share to support our mission of whole-person healing!