Using Self-Talk for Mindset, Perception, and Expectations with Ethan Kross | REPLAY

One, I think, really important distinction that I've benefited from, and I think people have too, is, is if we're thinking about, like, people's mental life, you know, the thoughts popping through their head, we often don't have control over the thoughts that pop up in our head at any given moment in time.

So I know you're, you're a cyclist, and you're-- is that-- am I using the right professional term?

[laughs]

Is there, is there a distinction I should be using that I'm not aware of?

No, no.

Please correct-

That, that, that's great.

[laughs]

Okay.

Okay.

You know, when you're on the bike, I mean, I'm sure thoughts pop up in your head all the time.

Sometimes they're things that you haven't thought about in a while.

We don't have control over the thoughts that pop into our head.

I've been studying the, the mind for a really long time.

Like, I haven't come across any research that speaks to that issue.

What we do have control over is how we manage those thoughts once they pop up.

And I think just knowing that can be really, really empowering for people.

I remember one time I was teaching a class on the science of self-control to undergraduates here at Michigan, and, you know, we were talking about this issue, like when people are showing that they have self-control versus not, and we're talking about a case where you just ha- you have a temptation to, like, eat a cookie after eight PM, but you don't follow through with it.

And some students thought, well, that, oh yeah, they exercise self-control.

And other students were like, "No, they had the thought, and if you have the thought, that means you failed." And my response to those students was, "You're setting a really high bar for being successful at managing yourself if you're setting the bar at being able to control what pops into your head," 'cause I don't think that is a controllable thing.

Yeah, thanks for identifying that distinction.

And another distinction I wanted to ask you about is the difference between self-control and willpower.

Well, willpower is often used-- well, it's defined in lots of different ways.

The way I think about willpower is this idea that we can just muscle through a challenge that we're faced with, a self-control challenge.

And, and I use the term of self-control to refer to this broad idea of you've got some goals, right? Things you wanna get out of this experience in the world, and how do you follow through with those goals, uh, with respect to your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviors.