The Vaginismus-Friendly Partner: What TikTok Isn't Telling You

So first and foremost, let's explore what is vaginismus, because I think that's really important, and that's what comes up in the comments.

If you're listening to this, you probably already understand it, but I think it's just useful for me to explore where I lie and def- uh, define vaginismus from a holistic lens.

So vaginismus is the body's automatic reaction to something, to a fear, to any type of vaginal penetration, to the way that the body braces.

It could be that tampons are really hard to insert.

It could be that penetration during sex might really burn, or it could sting.

Just can't happen.

Smear tests might feel impossible, and I recorded the last episode before this on smear tests.

And also, um, it can be that it's painful at labia.

It doesn't have to be, uh, within the vagina to feel the tension, the pain, the discomfort, or the burning.

Uh, in the book, Ground Floor, I talk about armoring.

I think it's a really useful way to think about vaginismus.

It's this way of the knight putting on all the gear before it goes in-- before he, she goes into battle.

And when there's, like, been a situation involving your body, your vulva, your vagina, the pelvis in some way, then it can armor itself.

And it doesn't have to be that that area, the pelvis specifically, was involved in some kind of trauma or challenge.

It can just be that that is where the stress, the trauma, the challenge lands.

And so when we think about, you know, shoulders going up 'round the ears when we're really, really stressed, and then you, like, put them back down and you like, ugh, soften them back down, massage them back down.

I have this, like, quite common, um, when I'm really concentrating on something, or I'm in a certain position that can really strain my body, m- my shoulders go into a point where I have to ask somebody to, like, encourage the muscle, um, the fascia to move gently to allow for a softening.

Otherwise, it's, like, searing pain.

And the vagina does the same for, for the person suffering with vaginismus.

It's like nobody's, like, massaging it back down, although I do speak to the massage of this space, and that's what my vagina circle, the vagina workshop, the ground floor circle is on.

It's on how do we tend to the fascia within this space, just like we would tend to the fascia anywhere else.

But essentially what happens is that this area, it remains tight.

The armor is on.

It remains ready for essentially combat.

It remains ready to protect.