What Nobody Told Jackie Castro About Year One (And What Actually Surprised Her): EP 227

Well, and mom guilt's a real thing 'cause I think you've watched people go ahead of you that made it either look really easy or, you know, you're a content creator, you're on social media, so you obviously see a ton of this stuff.

And so when you hit a hard patch, it almost makes you feel like something's wrong with you.

Like, did I not do it right? Am I not doing it right? Have you ever had those bouts of mom guilt?

Yeah, for sure.

And I think luckily mine was a little delayed because I didn't have that harsh switch of going back to work in an office full-time.

I think that would've been so hard for me.

Um, but I work from home, I work remote, so I got to kind of ease into that.

So it was less about kind of not having that time with him, and it was more the first time he took a big tumble, and it was completely my fault.

I had been so scared of him falling off the changing table, like constantly telling my husband, "Do not leave him for a second.

Like, it's so dangerous," to the point where I remember one day he was like, "It's definitely gonna happen to you first because of how much you are onto me about not doing this." And I don't know what happened that day, like why I thought I could turn for a second and grab something.

But I lock eyes with him, and he looks terrified.

He's doing this roll.

Thankfully, it was on carpet, but he did like cut his ear on the way down.

He was screaming.

And I just had this sinking feeling in my gut because it was like there was no one else here to protect him.

Like, that was my job in this moment.

And that was the first real time of like, I dropped the ball, and like he couldn't have protected himself from that.

Mm.

And so that was a big like-- It opened a can of worms for my brain of like, "Oh my gosh, what if I do this, this, this, this?" Because again, mistakes just happen.

Like, we think that something's fine, and then it's not two seconds later, especially with how fast he is now.

So we had to have a conversation where my husband helped me through my fears of just being like, "We can't expect perfection.

We're gonna have grace for each other." And I am honestly so thankful it did happen to me and not him, because I don't know if I would've been quite as graceful.

So that was just a good-

Uh-huh

... a good humbling lesson of like, you don't have it all together just 'cause you're constantly telling him what's dangerous.