Sep 24, 2026 · 59 min · 9 segments
If you have Relationship OCD, you may also have a partner with Anxious Attachment. When your partner has Anxious Attachment, your tendency to feel responsible for their well-being increases, which…
Right.
And there's, and you know, and there, and we wonder, well, then why, why are we struggling so much if we're with someone that's kind, caring, and respectful? And some people even say they're the best person that I've ever been with.
And, you know, They're everything that I could have wanted, you know, minus some people that say, you know, I wish my partner were smarter, more intelligent, all these things like there might be things about your partner that, you know, you wish were different for maybe more egotistical reasons.
However, you know, generally these partners that we enter a relationship with when we have ROCD.
are good people.
They're well-intentioned.
They're not abusive.
They're respectful of you.
They want to be with you.
They want to get to know you.
They want to form a relationship and a bond and they are committed.
Now, what I haven't talked about, and this is so important, is that sometimes these partners have anxious attachment.
Right.
Why is that problematic? Well, if your partner is kind, caring, respectful, considerate, et cetera, and they are anxiously attached, which means They are kind of, they're clingy.
They might be somewhat needy.
They might be leaning on you emotionally to sort of like help deal with their own loneliness.
They might be afraid of being abandoned or being left.
They might have this sort of energy that's looking to you or to save them in a sense from their own unmet needs.
And if that is the case, if your partner is more anxious leaning in their attachment, first of all, don't freak out because it's, it's not a deal breaker.
Like my partner had anxious, you know, more anxious attachment when we first got together.
Um, more specifically because I was avoidant, like she's secure leaning, but she also has a lot or has had because she's done a lot of work on herself, a lot of loneliness and stuff.
And and when I would get into my avoidant attachment, it would trigger her anxious parts to then be like, you know, not necessarily be needy, but hers manifested as more anger.
Like so she would, you know, criticize and and, you know, get angry because I was pulling back in an attempt to get me to be different so that I could show up in a way where she felt more secure.
Now, I was showing up in ways that were detrimental to the safety of the container of the relationship.
Right.
And there's, and you know, and there, and we wonder, well, then why, why are we struggling so much if we're with someone that's kind, caring, and respectful? And some people even say they're the best person that I've ever been with.
And, you know, They're everything that I could have wanted, you know, minus some people that say, you know, I wish my partner were smarter, more intelligent, all these things like there might be things about your partner that, you know, you wish were different for maybe more egotistical reasons.
However, you know, generally these partners that we enter a relationship with when we have ROCD.
are good people.
They're well-intentioned.
They're not abusive.
They're respectful of you.
They want to be with you.
They want to get to know you.
They want to form a relationship and a bond and they are committed.
Now, what I haven't talked about, and this is so important, is that sometimes these partners have anxious attachment.
Right.
Why is that problematic? Well, if your partner is kind, caring, respectful, considerate, et cetera, and they are anxiously attached, which means They are kind of, they're clingy.
They might be somewhat needy.
They might be leaning on you emotionally to sort of like help deal with their own loneliness.
They might be afraid of being abandoned or being left.
They might have this sort of energy that's looking to you or to save them in a sense from their own unmet needs.
And if that is the case, if your partner is more anxious leaning in their attachment, first of all, don't freak out because it's, it's not a deal breaker.
Like my partner had anxious, you know, more anxious attachment when we first got together.
Um, more specifically because I was avoidant, like she's secure leaning, but she also has a lot or has had because she's done a lot of work on herself, a lot of loneliness and stuff.
And and when I would get into my avoidant attachment, it would trigger her anxious parts to then be like, you know, not necessarily be needy, but hers manifested as more anger.
Like so she would, you know, criticize and and, you know, get angry because I was pulling back in an attempt to get me to be different so that I could show up in a way where she felt more secure.
Now, I was showing up in ways that were detrimental to the safety of the container of the relationship.
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