Episode 82: How Sobriety Changes Your Relationships, Dating Life & Connection with Joel Monteleone

What happens to your relationships when alcohol is no longer part of the equation? In this episode, Lindsay sits down with **Joel Monteleone**, relationship strategist, dating coach, creator of *Hot Takes Hot Dates*, and host of the *Hotter Together* podcast. Joel is also nearly four years alcohol-free, giving him a unique perspective on how sobriety can change not only your relationship with yourself, but also how you date, communicate, connect, and show up in partnership. Together, Lindsay and Joel explore what happens when you stop using alcohol as a way to connect, relax, avoid difficult conversations, or navigate vulnerability. They also talk about the surprising amount of time and energy that can become available when drinking is no longer taking up so much space—and how that newfound capacity can completely change the way you approach your life and relationships. **In this episode, you'll hear about:** - How removing alcohol can create more **energy, clarity, capacity, and connection** - Why sobriety can open your eyes to entirely new communities and ways of spending your time - The connection between **alcohol and relationship rituals**, including date nights, vacations, celebrations, and weekends - How alcohol can make vulnerability feel easier while simultaneously preventing deeper, more authentic communication - What can happen in a relationship when you stop using alcohol to avoid difficult conversations - Why becoming comfortable with **discomfort** is essential for both sobriety and healthy relationships - How high-achieving women can struggle with control, trust, and vulnerability in relationships - The difference between being **committed to a relationship and attached to a specific outcome** - Why your partner can't support you with your drinking if they don't actually understand what's happening for you - How to communicate the seriousness of wanting to change your relationship with alcohol - Why asking for support gives your partner an opportunity to love you - What happens when one person in a relationship stops drinking while their partner continues to drink - How worst-case-scenario thinking can affect both dating and sobriety - Why authenticity can help you eliminate relationships that aren't right for you—and make space for the ones that are - How the beliefs you hold about dating can influence what you notice and pursue - Why getting clear on what you **do want**, rather than only what you don't want, matters so much - Joel's advice for women who believe there are “no good men” or that dating is impossible where they live **A powerful reminder from this conversation** One of the biggest themes throughout the episode is **trust**. Trusting yourself. Trusting your partner. If your partner doesn't understand how much you're struggling with alcohol, they may respond to the surface-level problem rather than the real one. When you're finally honest about what's actually happening—how often you're thinking about drinking, how much you're relying on it, and. Trusting the process. And being willing to tolerate the discomfort that comes with finding out what is actually true. As Joel explains, when you ask someone for support, **you give them an opportunity to love you**. That idea applies far beyond sobriety. If your partner doesn't understand how much you're struggling with alcohol, they may respond to the surface-level problem rather than the real one. When you're finally honest about what's actually happening—how often you're thinking about drinking, how much you're relying on it, and why you need to change—you give them the information they need to truly support you. **Meet Joel** Joel Monteleone is a relationship strategist and dating coach based in Austin, Texas. He primarily works with high-achieving women who want to create meaningful romantic relationships without sacrificing who they are. He's also the host of *Hotter Together*, a podcast featuring couples who explore how their relationships have contributed to their success in business and life, and the creator of *Hot Takes Hot Dates*, live dating events in Austin. You can find Joel on Instagram at @joel\_monteleone. Support the show Here's how you can stay connected:  - 🗓️ Schedule a 30-minute Discovery Call - 👩‍💻 Sign-up for Feel Good AF Coaching - 📱Follow along on Instagram - 📰 Subscribe to the Feel Good AF newsletter **And remember, Lindsay is a sober coach, not a health professional. If you are chemically dependent on alcohol (or think you might be), consult your doctor on the steps you need to take to safely detox.**  *Intro/Outro Music Credit: Cozy Lofi Beat - Split memmories by Idoberg* Sober curious women. Quit drinking without AA, How to quit drinking for High Achieving women.