Sep 21, 2026 · 34 min · 9 segments
!https://i0.wp.com/fearcastpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/FearCast-Podcast-Episode-2026-09-20T204744.917.png?resize=1024%2C1024&ssl=1 Mary messaged me with a question about how she can…
Kevin FossHost
I recently got diagnosed with OCD, but have struggled with it since I was a teenager.
This triggered a two-year-long OCD slash postpartum episode where I stopped sleeping, lost a bunch of weight, and got convinced somebody would steal my baby or she would die if I didn't constantly check.
This led me to flake on some responsibilities, including pulling an article I wrote during the peer review process because I got so stressed I couldn't hold down food or sleep.
Or despite me rationally understanding that this is not a big deal, that I pulled an article and I did it for completely human reasons, I'm convinced buckling under the weight of postpartum depression and OCD means I am a failure or a weak, horrible, and stupid person who doesn't deserve employment, despite not being an academic or being great at my current job.
I've thankfully been resisting the urge to apologize again to the journal editors.
Unfortunately, a deeply irrational part of me is now convinced I have to write another article and get it published to pursue a PhD or pursue a PhD to prove I'm not stupid or undependable.
How do I move to accepting the choices I made in the past or my own shortcomings without concluding that I am fundamentally flawed or giving into compulsions? Every attempt makes me feel like I'm making excuses or for being a flake.
But for many people after giving birth, it can be an overwhelming time that is just fraught with Changes in relational dynamic, changes in responsibility, changes in identity, changes in just the day-to-day schedule, right? There's so much that changes for you.
Not to mention the wild roller coaster of hormones that go on in a woman's body after giving birth is bonkers.
I recently got diagnosed with OCD, but have struggled with it since I was a teenager.
This triggered a two-year-long OCD slash postpartum episode where I stopped sleeping, lost a bunch of weight, and got convinced somebody would steal my baby or she would die if I didn't constantly check.
This led me to flake on some responsibilities, including pulling an article I wrote during the peer review process because I got so stressed I couldn't hold down food or sleep.
Or despite me rationally understanding that this is not a big deal, that I pulled an article and I did it for completely human reasons, I'm convinced buckling under the weight of postpartum depression and OCD means I am a failure or a weak, horrible, and stupid person who doesn't deserve employment, despite not being an academic or being great at my current job.
I've thankfully been resisting the urge to apologize again to the journal editors.
Unfortunately, a deeply irrational part of me is now convinced I have to write another article and get it published to pursue a PhD or pursue a PhD to prove I'm not stupid or undependable.
How do I move to accepting the choices I made in the past or my own shortcomings without concluding that I am fundamentally flawed or giving into compulsions? Every attempt makes me feel like I'm making excuses or for being a flake.
But for many people after giving birth, it can be an overwhelming time that is just fraught with Changes in relational dynamic, changes in responsibility, changes in identity, changes in just the day-to-day schedule, right? There's so much that changes for you.
Not to mention the wild roller coaster of hormones that go on in a woman's body after giving birth is bonkers.
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