Inside a Real Amicable Divorce - His Story | Divorce Actually

But I wanted to, because you talked about having spreadsheets, having documents and the small things that people maybe don't always think about.

How did you think about that? How did you, how did you come to that?

Yeah.

I mean, I think initially the big things that we knew we had to talk about was scheduling and finances were the two big ones to begin with.

So I think that's where we started with a lot of it.

And then a lot of other things were almost just, and again, we're doing this kind of in process and this is even before the divorce.

So I think we started with those as being the kind of the key factors.

And then as time goes on and life goes on, you know, things pop up.

And I think for most of it, it was trying to figure out where there was issues that needed to be addressed and Typically, my ex and I would try to just sort them out quickly between us.

If it was something that didn't require a mediator, it's obviously much easier trying to involve a third party.

But if there was pushback, if there was disagreement, if there was something that felt unfair, that's where we bring the mediator in to kind of help us with that.

Again, he was not paid.

He was not a professional.

So I think it was at times became a bit taxing on him.

So I think he was very happy toward the end when we actually got to involve lawyers and that could kind of help a little bit in that way.

Actually, for the most part, I guess the lawyers weren't really doing that either.

So I think a lot of it became us learning how to work together with that as some of the pain and emotions kind of wore out and we kind of got used to the new reality.

It became easier to work together.

And part of it, again, is that documentation of everything, having Excel spreadsheets and making sure that, you know, if a topic was up there, we could each kind of write down what our points were.

You know, sometimes there would be issues where we talked about it in a call and you could tell there it was going to get heated or there was a motion behind it.

And sometimes That was challenging.

And there are times that I think we had a ground rule even that if you go into this at any point before before there was any emotion before we started, like if anyone wants to take a step away because it feels like it's getting going to a bad place, we could say, OK, you know, let's step back and talk about this another day because it's not going in a positive direction.

So.

You know, part of this was actually learning to communicate with one another, which, you know, for a lot of people, that's kind of a reason you're going to get divorced.

Usually if communication breaks down, I would say most divorces probably have that as an issue.