Radical Acceptance in Divorce: Reclaiming Your Power

So we're going to talk about the work you do in teaching to accept what is.

So let's talk about that in the context of divorce and how that can help people move on.

For Aaron and I's clients, a lot of times the first thing that we are working on with them before we can do any work of what is this asset or how Aaron's going to give strategy, a lot of times what we need to have clients start with is them really being in acceptance of what is their reality right now.

Because most of our clients come to us and they are me included, right? This is not what we signed up for.

This is not what we wanted, but this is where we're at.

And while that feels like maybe a little silly, a lot of the work that Erin and I do in the beginning is this work.

Is to hold space for how two things can exist at once.

How this is not what we wanted and this is what's happening.

Or it feels like life is happening to us.

Yes.

Instead of for you.

That's right.

And so a lot of our work is to help our clients, to coach them, offer them another perspective of how to see things.

Not because we're positive polys, not because we are channeling toxic positivity, right? There's sunshine and daisies all the time in this process, but we cannot, if you can't stretch your capacity, if you can't see things in a different way, you will feel stuck and you will be stuck.

And so a lot of the work that Aaron and I do in the beginning is helping clients accept how this is going.

And for me, Aaron and I coach on radical accountability.

And so one tool that we're pushing our clients with and helping them see is In my case, how was I contributing to the end of this? And it was a hard realization.

Not everyone has this situation, but Erin's story is very different.

But for me, I really had the opportunity to see how did I contribute to this not going the way that I wanted.

And it was a harsh reality.

It was a wake-up call.

But I attribute so much of who I am today and how much of a better person I am how much space I can hold and how many different perspectives I can see because I did that work and continue to do the work of being someone who wants to be radically accountable.

What about for you, Maren? As far as radical acceptance is actually like, I'm a psychology nerd through and through.

And so it's a part of DBT or dialectical behavior.

And sometimes that's a way that I look at it, but not necessarily.