ClancyPasta | Internet Horror Stories
Aug 28, 2026 · 1 hr 5 min · 15 segments
"The video began cutting between old Polaroid pictures..." CLANCYPASTA PRESENTS ► "I'm going to Caelum Forest Preserve" written by power572, narrated by ClancyPasta ►…
It was late June, and after a 10-hour shift, I wanted nothing more than to become a vegetative husk on my couch.
Sitting under sterile office lights with nothing to keep you company but the occasional hum of a printer will strip away even the most basic of thoughts from the strongest of men.
I was watching one of those survivalist videos online, where they go out into the woods or maybe an island and demonstrate how to build shelter out of sticks and leaves.
I had about as much camping experience as I do astronaut experience, which is to say none, so seeing somebody thrive in that environment brought an odd form of comfort.
I decided that after my video had ended, I would head to bed and prepare for the following day.
However, before the video had even fully concluded, something in the recommended section caught my eye.
The thumbnail showed a man being completely dwarfed by a ginormous tree.
Despite being so zoomed out that the man appeared as a vague smudge, the entire tree still did not manage to fit in the frame.
It seemed somewhat interesting,
and I figured a few minutes wouldn't
hurt my sleep schedule too badly, so I queued it up.
The video started out like any other, building a shelter using fallen branches and leaves, a shore demonstration on how to collect rainwater, and a lecture on the history of coastal redwoods.
That last part was rather dull, which was amplified by my state of iridescent indoctrination.
The creator himself was a fit younger man, probably in his late twenties.
He had shaggy blonde hair and green eyes.
His nose bent slightly to the left and a small scar on his cheek.
He looked more like a surfer than a survivalist.
I was on the verge of turning it off when it suddenly deviated from the formula I was used to.
The royalty-free track and b-roll footage were suddenly replaced by the man giving a speech about how much those words meant to him.
Most of it was a fairly typical spiel about how much he appreciated the opportunity to do content creation, and how he appreciated anywhere he went.
I was only partly listening when he began to speak about his childhood.
I was kind of an angsty guy when I was younger, you know? It wasn't like I had a bad life or anything, but I just wasn't sure where I belonged.
My ears perked up at this slightly, and he continued.
My grades weren't exceptionally good or bad.
It was late June, and after a 10-hour shift, I wanted nothing more than to become a vegetative husk on my couch.
Sitting under sterile office lights with nothing to keep you company but the occasional hum of a printer will strip away even the most basic of thoughts from the strongest of men.
I was watching one of those survivalist videos online, where they go out into the woods or maybe an island and demonstrate how to build shelter out of sticks and leaves.
I had about as much camping experience as I do astronaut experience, which is to say none, so seeing somebody thrive in that environment brought an odd form of comfort.
I decided that after my video had ended, I would head to bed and prepare for the following day.
However, before the video had even fully concluded, something in the recommended section caught my eye.
The thumbnail showed a man being completely dwarfed by a ginormous tree.
Despite being so zoomed out that the man appeared as a vague smudge, the entire tree still did not manage to fit in the frame.
It seemed somewhat interesting,
and I figured a few minutes wouldn't
hurt my sleep schedule too badly, so I queued it up.
The video started out like any other, building a shelter using fallen branches and leaves, a shore demonstration on how to collect rainwater, and a lecture on the history of coastal redwoods.
That last part was rather dull, which was amplified by my state of iridescent indoctrination.
The creator himself was a fit younger man, probably in his late twenties.
He had shaggy blonde hair and green eyes.
His nose bent slightly to the left and a small scar on his cheek.
He looked more like a surfer than a survivalist.
I was on the verge of turning it off when it suddenly deviated from the formula I was used to.
The royalty-free track and b-roll footage were suddenly replaced by the man giving a speech about how much those words meant to him.
Most of it was a fairly typical spiel about how much he appreciated the opportunity to do content creation, and how he appreciated anywhere he went.
I was only partly listening when he began to speak about his childhood.
I was kind of an angsty guy when I was younger, you know? It wasn't like I had a bad life or anything, but I just wasn't sure where I belonged.
My ears perked up at this slightly, and he continued.
My grades weren't exceptionally good or bad.
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