you don't need to perform anymore.

And it's funny, I feel like the aha moments I've had lately, like I don't know if you guys relate to this, I would imagine probably a lot of you do, but I feel like so many times more than not, I actually have to be reminded of the basics of what it means to follow Jesus.

And yeah, [laughs] that's it.

That, that actually was the end of my sentence.

Sorry, period, done.

But I genuinely sometimes I- I'll, I'll feel frustrated with myself where I'm like, dang, this feels like so, like foundational, like ground zero, this is where it begins.

And so many times I feel like I actually lose sight of like the simple parts of, of being a follower of Jesus and, and just loving Jesus and being a disciple of his.

And I think that's actually how it is for a lot of us, 'cause I think in our human nature, we kind of just, it's, um, it's easy for us to start making our own plans and to kind of go by our own structure and rules, and if we don't catch ourselves, if we're not quick to repent, if we're not quick to sit down with the Lord and really ask him to examine our hearts, like I don't know if I've been doing a lot of that lately, if I'm being honest.

Like the whole like, "Hey, God, will you actually just examine my heart and reveal to me things that maybe I have not seen, or maybe ways that I've been living or thinking that I didn't realize I've, I've been doing, or if, if there's been things I've been putting above you?" Like I genuinely haven't done that, and I have had to repent of that, of being like, "Oh God, I am forgetting the basics, and I'm forgetting to like let you in and be the boss." You know? And not the, not a boss in like, like a dictator way, but I'm just like, I feel like a lot of times I wanna grab control, and I think that...

And I've, I've been kind of open with you guys about what I've been going through the last couple of months, which I still don't even have full language for.

Words are hard when it comes to my feelings for whatever reason, um, which is something I'm practicing in therapy, which I'm very excited about.

I've shared that with you guys.

But yeah, I don't have total language for what it is that I've been walking through with the Lord other than it's been very sanctifying.

That, and that's fine that I don't have language for it because it's not the point of what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is that because of the discomfort of what I've been walking through with the Lord, with like him just refining me, and this has come back to my mind so many times since doing this episode and doing the research that I did prior, but the episode that we did a few weeks ago about how our brain has to literally, it, it makes like neural pathways in our mind, and how it's actually s- so relevant to what scripture says, where, where it is only by the Holy Spirit that God renews our mind, and that our minds need renewal.

Because the truth is, is like the brokenness of this world and, you know, trauma that we've been through, relationships that we've been in th- what- whatever, dynamics, words that have been spoken over us, like ways that our body has learned how to protect itself in seeing patterns like that, like unhealthy patterns, like patterns of brokenness that we've done to the reality of the world that we live in.

But because of that, it's w- like our brains just, they make these neural pathways that were never actually supposed to be there.

And so it's such a gift that we have the Holy Spirit, right? Because he is the only one that can kind of undo those grooves and those paths that have been made in our mind.

And obviously, it takes time, um, and it doesn't take just one renewing of the mind from the Holy Spirit.

It's like over and over again.

But eventually, there will be new pathways that will be made in your mind.

And so that is something that comes to, to my brain all the time as I'm still navigating and learning and, and unlearning things, and I feel like that's the season I've been in, actually, is like I've described it as grief too to you guys, where I'm like, "I don't know, it just feels like I'm grieving, like I'm in a lot of pain and I'm feeling lost, but I don't know what I'm losing." And I think the truth is, is like I am in a season of God like heavily renewing my mind and, and teaching me how to unlearn things that I thought were normal, and it's just how my brain's operated my entire life, and that's painful.

Like that's been so uncomfortable.

And so I think- What I'm saying is that in that discomfort of having God slowly renewing my mind and, like, really weeding out all of the garbage that's been in my brain for so long...

Like, these, these roots go deep, y'all, [laughs] okay? If some of you guys can relate to that, hallelujah, we're in this together.

But those roots go deep, and it takes time.