A Major Life Update + Why I Chose My Husband

There's a massive difference between a healthy relationship that requires work and a relationship that requires work that drains you, that confuses you, that sucks the fucking life out of you, like a vampire.

Yeah, there is a big difference here.

And a lot of times people hear like, "Oh, well, you have to do work." Like, relationships take work.

Don't get me wrong, my husband and I absolutely put in the work for our relationship, but we willingly want to and we work together as a team to do it.

It's not like I'm leading the charge, which I will be honest, I used to do in past relationships where I'd be like, "Okay, we're gonna talk about this," or, "This is what's gonna happen," and like game plan it.

And the other person, mm, sometimes wouldn't be, uh, on board.

They'd be like, "Okay," and then, and then break up with me or whatever.

Or sometimes they would lie and say, "Yeah, of course," like, "Absolutely," and then they weren't actually on board.

So you really wanna be careful of looking at how you define the work in a relationship.

And like I said, I'm not gonna curate some social media bullshit for you, because I don't believe that those relationships exist.

And I do believe that healthy, honest, loving, safe, secure relationships exist, 'cause that's what my husband and I are in.

And I wanna go over exactly, like, what that looks like.

But I need to paint the picture first of, like, what I used to think healthy relationships were.

So I mean, I was very codependent.

Like, I talk about this a lot in Karla Turned On, but if you haven't checked out episodes around codependency or any of my stories, definitely check those out.

But I can tell you right now that when I was going through my codependency phase, which long story short, if you're like, "Codependency, what is that?" 'cause I used to feel that way.

It basically means you lose your sense of self to someone else as a result of having low self-esteem, so not feeling worthy, not feeling enough.

I didn't feel lovable.

And so I always felt like when I was picking partners that, well, [laughs] I don't know if I always picked them.

Sometimes I'd feel like, "Oh my gosh, this person likes me.

Yeah, if somebody likes me, great, I'm gonna be in a relationship with them." And it wasn't always a healthy person to actually be in a relationship with.

And I thought you needed this, like, sparky chemistry excitement, which really honestly, excitement, spark, chemistry is all just anxiety, attachment styles being activated.

If you look at polyvagal theory, it's, it's a ps- psychological, uh, term that suggests basically we are subconsciously interacting with somebody else's nervous system.

So it's like nervous system to nervous system.

"Oh my gosh, he gives me sparks.