Craft a Life You Don't Need a Vacation From

When I had my first child, we were living in Philadelphia, and at the time, I called it Filthadelphia.

And let me say immediately, darling, I'm not proud of saying that because Philadelphia is a lovely city.

This is not a criticism of Philadelphia.

It simply wasn't the city for me.

It wasn't my city, and more importantly, I felt like it wasn't my life.

I was still doing a PhD in New York, so my life was divided between two cities, and my husband traveled constantly.

We didn't particularly love where we were living.

I didn't have the social life or the community I wanted, and with a new baby, everything felt even more fractured, which is why I was thrilled when I had the opportunity to go to one of our family homes in France.

And I know you're thinking, "Oh, ha ha, lucky you.

You have family homes in France.

Rich girl, you shouldn't be complaining." But watch, there's something even more horrible about going someplace for a short time, even if it's for a month.

I came home from that vacation.

We landed at the airport, and I remember looking around at the fluorescent lighting, the unappealing linoleum floor, the board listing all of the places one could go, and I had this very devastating thought.

I would rather go literally anywhere on this board than go home.

And that's when I realized that something was very, very wrong, not because Philadelphia was terrible in any way, but because I was unhappy to be returning to my own life.

And that's when I started noticing the moving trucks.

Moving trucks, I know it's silly.

Every time I saw one, I was insanely jealous.

Jealous of the people moving away, and I had no idea where they were going.

They might have been moving three blocks down the street, but I didn't care.

I just thought they were leaving.

They were so lucky.

And eventually, we rented an old stone house on the Main Line, which was much more my speed, and life got a lot better.

It still wasn't quite there, and I had begun to understand something that has stayed with me ever since.

A beautiful house is not a beautiful life.

You can have the house, the clothes, the car, the vacations, the beautiful table, and still feel like you're living in something suboptimal, especially when you compare it to your vacation.

And I think that this is the great mistake we make when we talk about a rich life or the dream life.

We focus on acquiring all the pieces instead of asking the most important question, do I actually like my everyday ordinary life? Because we adore vacations, and by the way, I just got back from the south of France, and I'm certainly not going to tell you that you shouldn't travel.

Go everywhere.

Go to France, go to Italy, go somewhere you've never been.

Eat the wonderful food, swim in the ocean, buy the ridiculous hat.

Vacations are marvelous.

But I'm really pleased to announce that I've come back, and I'm not even yet in my Santa Barbara home.

I'm still on the East Coast, but I'm not feeling so bad about the end of vacation because I think I've finally done it.

I have finally built a life that I don't need a vacation from.

It's a life where the vacation is an enhancement, not an escape hatch.

And here's the thing.

People sometimes assume that you have to be wealthy to do this, that wealthy people have this all figured out.

And believe me, as someone who has been there, as somebody who's been very wealthy and who now has less but still lives a rich life, wealthy people have not gotten this figured out.

Not everyone.

Money can give you options, but it cannot automatically give you a life you love.

I've known very wealthy people with enormous, gorgeous houses they don't enjoy or beautiful homes and properties in places they don't like, social obligations they dread, and schedules so exhausting that they need to flee their own lives for two weeks or a month just to breathe.

And that, darling, is not luxury.

That is a very expensive escape hatch.

The real luxury is being able to come home from somewhere rather extraordinary and think, "Oh, good, I'm home." And as I said, I'm not even back in Santa Barbara yet, but I'm already looking forward to my own bed, my coffee, my walks, my friends, my routines, my books, writing my books, all those tiny things that make an ordinary life feel like something wonderful.

And you do not need a fortune to create that feeling.

And it means a few different things.

I've got some very strange, perhaps counterintuitive pieces of advice on how to do this.

Does it mean changing everything? Not necessarily, but sometimes I think it does mean making some little changes to your schedule, buying the fresh flowers on a Tuesday, but ultimately changing your definition of success, of happiness, of the little rituals that make everything feel delicious.

And I think that some of the really old-fashioned ideas around elegance and things that old money actually understood is something that so many people, especially the wealthiest, most privileged people, have forgotten.

The architecture of your everyday life really matters.

And it doesn't help having a place you can escape to if your every day doesn't matter, if your surroundings aren't what you like, your rituals, your friendships, and the way you pass your time.

So that's what I want to talk about today.

I'm going to give you my very Auntie Kiki guide to creating a life you don't need a vacation from.

Whether you have a fortune or a modest budget or no budget at all, we're going to talk about where you live, how you live, how you spend your time, entertaining, dressing, little rituals, travel, money, and all of the surprisingly inexpensive ways to make ordinary life feel just as good as a vacation.

And I don't want to make you stop taking vacations, but just I want to make sure you are delighted to go home again.

The ultimate luxury isn't having a life that even looks like a vacation.

It's having a life that feels so completely like yours that you don't need to escape from it.

So let's jump right in.