223: The Cost of Being Offended: It Isn't Nothing

This offense consumes your attention.

So that's a good starting point.

Somebody makes a comment during a meeting.

It lasts 10 seconds, but you replay it in your mind for days.

You think about what it was that they said, what they meant, what you should have said back, what you'll say next time.

You tell your spouse, you tell a coworker, you tell another friend.

The interaction that lasted 10 seconds now has consumed hours.

That is an expensive exchange.

Your attention is one of your most valuable resources.

You only have so much of it.

So whatever receives your attention begins taking up space in your head and in your life.

And that means someone can occupy your mind long after they've forgotten the interaction ever even happened.

They went home, they ate dinner, they slept like a baby.

Meanwhile, you're lying awake, preparing your closing argument for a trial that's probably never going to happen and lives only in your imagination.

So, who's paying the greater price? Well, obviously, probably you.

And offense also consumes your energy.

Attention and energy are really closely connected.

The more you replay your offense, the more emotional energy it requires.

You get irritated, defensive, suspicious, resentful.

Then you carry those emotions into places where they just don't belong.

You're offended by your boss, so you're impatient with your spouse.

You're angry with a client, so you're distracted with your kids.

You're frustrated by a friend, so you stop doing the work that would actually improve your life.

The offense spreads.

It rarely stays contained in that one spot.