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Ryan Long

Ryan Long

Comedian

Sep 18, 2026

25:57
See?
25:57
One thing you do realize is Jamaica has less...
26:01
Like, in your mind you're just like, "It's the center of reggae.
26:03
There's so many artists." Then you go to a place that, like, plays all the artists, you're like, "Oh, there's three." [laughs]
27:52
Yeah.
27:52
Funny too, 'cause a bunch of, like, big people reached out, like, would DM me in the thing being like, "Oh, I didn't know you were into Matisyahu." And then I didn't realize he's, like, a big, like, Israel guy.
0:36
[laughs]
0:37
Rolling into a bag of money, right? But [laughs] the thing is, the algorithm, it's so wild because you don't ask for it, but it...
0:46
You know, if you were...
0:47
I said, if you were walking around the street and there was a guy rolling around on this floor or, like, taking a shit in the alley, like, of course you would look more than you would just look at a normal person, and then the algorithm's like, "Oh, that's your shit, huh?" So it's like, that's, that's all you get now.
1:01
So if you wa- Like, so now when I see any freak show content, I try to scroll as fast as I can.

9 MINS LATER

9:47
That was-
9:48
Yeah.
9:48
That has to...
0:52
Mm-hmm.
0:52
Um, so people say, "Well, what's the guy version of that," right? And the guy version of that is grandmother treatment.
0:59
So if, like, so a girl puts a guy in a friend zone 'cause for girls, like, that's a l- you know, male friend is, like, really y- the most non-sexual thing.
1:07
Like, you know? Whereas a guy, you'd be like, "Yeah, I don't fuckin', I could, I could be friends with a girl and fuck her." But, like, the guys see friends as higher.
1:13
So g- girls when they treat a guy like a friend, it's very like a little brother, like a friend.
1:17
Those are, like, a l- like very no- the, the least sexual, that's the lowest run.
1:21
Whereas guy version of that is grandmother.

5 MINS LATER

6:25
... fucking real.
1:36
[laughs] Yeah.
1:37
This guy, rolling into a bag of money, right? But [laughs] the thing is, the algorithm, it's so wild because you don't ask for it, but it...
1:46
You know, if you were...
1:47
I said, if you were walking around the street and there was a guy rolling around on this floor or, like, taking a shit in the alley, like, of course you would look more than you would just look at a normal person.
1:56
And then the algorithm's like, "Oh, that's your shit, huh?" So it's like, that's, that's all you get now.
2:01
So if you wa-...
2:02
Like, so now when I see any freak show content, I try to scroll as fast as I can.

9 MINS LATER

10:47
That was-
0:50
Mm-hmm.
0:50
Um, so people say, "Well, what's the guy version of that," right? And the guy version of that is grandmother treatment.
0:57
So if, like, so a girl puts a guy in the friend zone 'cause for girls, like, that's a l- you know, male friend is, like, really the most non-sexual thing.
1:05
Like, you know? Whereas a guy, you'd be like, "Yeah, I don't fuckin', I could, I could be friends with a girl and fuck her." But, like, the guys see friends as higher.
1:11
So g- girls, when they treat a guy like a friend, it's very, like, a little brother, like a friend.
1:15
Those are, like, a, like, very no...
1:17
The, the least sexual, that's the lowest run.

7 MINS LATER

7:50
... fucking real.
18:23
So Ter- what did he do?
18:25
So Terry Crews made, he did, he did a podcast tour recently, and he confessed his problem, which is he was jacking off 10 hours a day.
18:32
But the way that he described it, he was just like, "The sun would go up, I'd be jacking off, just beating it.
18:38
The sun would go down, I'm still bea-" Like, he, he's-

30 MINS LATER

48:45
Do you see Le- do you see Lenny Marcus in New York? The Pope is Lenny Marcus.
48:48
Marcus.Lenny Marcus is the pope.
48:49
Oh, [laughs] yeah, yeah, gotcha.
48:51
Yes.
16:04
[laughs]
16:04
He's an entrepreneur.
16:05
[laughs] Believe me when I tell you he is a freak.
16:08
Ooh.
16:09
Okay, I gotta take a little bit of a break.
16:11
[heartbeat] Okay, break time's over.
16:18
Here's my Big Boy.

45 MINS LATER

61:27
Yeah.
36:54
Yeah.
36:54
Have you heard of the phrase headphone dodgers? Just 'cause you were saying arm- uh, uh, uh, draft dodgers.
36:58
They...
36:59
In London, and I think it's a few other places, but they, uh, people that don't wear headphones on the subway or, like, the trains and stuff like that.
37:08
Like, they wanna watch stuff on their phone.
37:09
You know, on the plane, someone will do that.
37:10
Yeah.
41:10
He's actually getting out there and competing.
20:01
Yeah, it is true.
20:02
So, to answer the original question, if someone is gonna be that person that, like, can't ha- can't handle going down 20% without, like, their ripping out their hair, then they probably shouldn't.
20:14
You know, you can't handle this life.
20:15
I always say that about people, comedians.
20:16
A lot of times people are like, "Oh, I don't wanna...
20:18
I wanted to be, like, in, a comedian," or, "I wanted to, you know, be this or that." And you're just like, "I don't think you actually do, 'cause I don't think you could handle, like, it not going good for seven years, while your parents are like, 'What are you doing?'" And while you're...
20:30
Or eight years, or nine year.
21:00
It's, like, risk tolerance.
36:56
Whereas here, it's pretty 50/50, right? Like, it s- it seems like everybody gets their turn, and it goes pretty even.
37:03
Look, I'll be honest with you, I was skeptical.
37:06
A green powder that claims to do everything sounds exactly like something I'd tear apart.
37:11
I've seen enough people pushing miracle solutions to know what that looks like.
37:15
But I take AG1 every morning, and I'm not someone who sticks with those things out of habit if they're not delivering.
37:21
One scoop in water, that's it.
37:23
Over 75 vitamins, minerals, and nutrients designed to support your energy, mood, and digestion.

36 MINS LATER

73:34
All right, head on over to triggerpod.co.uk, where the boys will answer your questions.

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