I hear a lot of you reassuring them in that.

That was exactly what was happening.

I didn't want them to worry too much.

I didn't want them to be afraid.

Um, they were already fighting so much on the outside and doing so much work, you know, and I wanted them to be proud of what a brave girl they had raised.

[gentle music]

But as the weeks turned into months, her brave front started to crack.

There were mornings when I would wake up, and I would open my eyes, and I would see the white jail cell wall, and I would think, "Okay, I'm gonna wake up a second time.

I hear a lot of you reassuring them in that.

That was exactly what was happening.

I didn't want them to worry too much.

I didn't want them to be afraid.

Um, they were already fighting so much on the outside and doing so much work, you know, and I wanted them to be proud of what a brave girl they had raised.

[gentle music]

But as the weeks turned into months, her brave front started to crack.

There were mornings when I would wake up and I would open my eyes and I would see the white jail cell wall and I would think, "Okay, I'm gonna wake up a second time.

Right.

Right? And that is where, you know, when you get into these coercively controlling relationships, that's what they're all about, right? Um, every single abusive relationship you look at, everything the abuser does is all about gaining control and power over the victim.

And so, you know, when Ian was disrupting my sleep patterns, right? Well, okay, he's, he's weakening me so that I can't stand up to him, right? Because I'm too s- I'm too tired, I'm too disoriented.

Um, you know, when he is monitoring my whereabouts, uh, or even, you know, there was one instance where he actually showed up- Uh, with me at a thing that was supposed to be just like a girls gathering, and I had even told him it was just a girls gathering, and he just shows up.

It, you know, these...

It was an isolation tactic, right? To make sure not only that my friends were like, "Well, we don't know if we wanna invite Michelle 'cause she's gonna have her guy here, and he's gonna sit there all..." You know, I mean, he sat there and he was like just a mood the whole time, you know? So I mean, I'm sure they were like, "Oh, God, we don't wanna invite her again," and they didn't invite me again.

[laughs] But then I'm also embarrassed, so I'm like afraid now to connect with other people.

Mm.