Um, Molly, um, uh, was it news to you that it was so important for kids to have that meaningful time with, with people closest to them?

Not really news to me.

I mean, I think, you know, a sense of belonging and being part of a family and, um, having, having a time where your parent shows interest in you and you feel like, "I matter, I'm worth listening to, I belong here," is a really important part of a child's sense of security, confidence, and emotional wellbeing.

So I wasn't altogether surprised.

I mean, I have two teenagers.

Um, I would've thought maybe, you know, 'cause it said in the research as well that they value your presence, your, the quality time more so even than gifts, and I thought that was quite telling in a way, and I think it kind of just shows that we live in a very busy, you know, uh, kind of society where, like, there's so many different pressures on family life.

So I wasn't altogether surprised by this research from Heinz.

Mm

But it really is so important, isn't it? It's so important for children's confidence, their emotional well-being, and just feeling that they're getting attention and really part of something special, which is the family.

Absolutely.

And those repeated everyday experiences of somebody being interested in them, listening to them, enjoying being with them, sends to them this powerful message, I matter, I'm worth listening to, I belong here.

And it's really, as you said, important for their sense of security, confidence, emotional wellbeing.

And we're talking about everyday moments.

So this Heinz Bernardo's kind of research is showing, is saying that Seventy six percent of children said some of their best family conversations happen at mealtimes and 72 percent said they find it easier to open up and talk while eating together because comforting foods helps them to relax and connect.

So it's kind of like the everyday moments.

What would you say to them now to kind of perk them up a little bit and give them some hope, I suppose?

We mightn't think it as adults, but they actually do like routine.

They do.

And I think, you know, sometimes it can be easier, you know, like say they're really tired and they're like, oh, I just want to eat in front of the TV or just want to.

And it's not to say that my kids don't do that.

And if I feel like they're really tired in a particular moment and it doesn't have to be like every meal of the day that you're sitting around and all of that kind of stuff.

But it's just they they also they need boundaries, you know, like they they will try everything out to kind of.

you know, to do their own thing.

When you talk to children.com in your own practice about feeling seen and feeling understood, what do they say to you?

Yeah.

Or just, like, even just answering the whisper, like, "What's my body telling me right now? Where do I feel it?" Say, one of my clients last week was like, "I, my body's telling me, my belly and my, you know, that I need rest, and I," you know.

And I was like, "Okay." And then this week it was kinda like, "So how did that go with that? And, you know, like, did you get those moments, and how did that help?" And the client did, but the thing is, sometimes the mind doesn't stop.

Whilst your body might stop, the mind can keep going if you've been brought up maybe in an environment where not a lot of rest happened or it was seen as lazy, unproductive.

And sometimes we are brought up in environments like that, because for necessity, it's kinda like, "No, we have to keep working." If you're working, if you're living on a farm, as my husband said, I had a chat with him about it, and he was like, you know, he was brought up on a farm, so you had to, you know, your weekends were, there was always work to be done.

Yeah

... as a result of that 'cause you don't like seeing your child in distress.

Or else they've activated, or you know, you've ac- you're activating each other.

So let's start with, I suppose, maybe the line between what would you consider just maybe normal childhood upset versus using that phrase separation anxiety?

Yeah, I mean, I guess just to say initially, Lottie, that separation anxiety is very normal.

It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your child that they experience anxiety when separated from you because it shows that they're attached to you.

That's what you want.

You want, you know, if you weren't...

If that attachment wasn't there with their parent or primary caregiver, they wouldn't get upset when separated from you.

So it is quite a normal thing for every child to experience at some point in their childhoods.

What can they do to build a bit of confidence and a little bit of independence before school starts?

So let's start with, I suppose, maybe the line between what would you consider just maybe normal childhood upset versus using that phrase separation anxiety?

Yeah, I mean, I guess just to say initially, Lottie, that separation anxiety is very normal.

It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your child that they experience anxiety when separated from you because it shows that they're attached to you.

That's what you want.

You want, you know, if you weren't...

If that attachment wasn't there with their parent or primary caregiver, they wouldn't get upset when separated from you.

So it is quite a normal thing for every child to experience at some point in their childhoods.

What can they do to build a bit of confidence and a little bit of independence before school starts?

Where do you stand on it, Mally?

I love it.

No, the way I where I stand on it is that I think there's just a complete fascination in seeing how people behave.

when they're placed in these kind of unusual or high pressure situations.

And I suppose we're asking ourselves, like, what would I do in that situation? Would I have reacted the same way? Would I have trusted them? Would I have lost my temper? So it kind of allows us to experience these intense emotions and unusual situations from the safety and comfort of our own homes while we're snacking on our favorite snack.

It's spiteful.

I'm not a big fan, Shane, but I'll tell you this.

I encourage her to watch this because she knows that I've done this kind of work in the background and I encourage her to kind of watch it with curiosity and also the knowledge that there's people sitting around a table deciding on what the storylines are going to be.

Mally, how does the weather impact our mood? Because I just mentioned that, God, everyone in the office was in brilliant form today.

Yeah, I mean, I guess we've had months of it not being great.

You know, we haven't had any sustained nice weather and we've had pretty crappy weather, to be honest.

I've thought of moving to Spain, I don't know how many times But it increases our serotonin, which helps us to feel calmer, more positive.

So that's a real feel-good hormone.

And then it also regulates your sleep.

Your melatonin production increases your vitamin D.

Does that mean their mood diminishes?

Okay, so what happens then if we are experiencing anger and we decide to suppress it rather than express it?

Yeah, I mean, I think obviously if you suppress, you know, if you suppress any emotion for... you know, like a long time, it's going to come back to bite you, you know, like for sure.

But I guess, you know, like if you go to something like rage bait and you're just kind of responding without kind of consciousness to a situation, is that like the situation mightn't really be that important to you.

So I suppose it's all about, you know, taking a values-based pause and And kind of, you know, Viktor Frankl has an amazing quote, between stimulus and response, there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

And in our response lies our growth and our freedom.

There's an awful lot of stuff in life, Fanula, that we don't actually have control over and we don't realize that, but we don't.

Is that beneficial or am I actually doing more harm to myself?