So, I mean, that's where I would get them to start, hopefully.

Yeah, and I'm listening to all this as a man, and here's where I go with that.

It's like, okay, so for me, my sense of myself as a provider and as competent to meet my partner's needs is constantly on the line and is being evaluated in real time.

So the feedback I'm getting from my partner, if she's trying to hint at things that she needs, or if she's feeling shut down or maybe intimidated because I'm not validating and getting curious about her needs, chances are I'm playing a guessing game.

So then it's like, wow, I thought I was crushing it.

I thought I was meeting all your needs because, you know, because that's me.

Like, I feel really good about it.

And I said- i'm not sure that it's that he's not motivated i think there are other things at play here so yeah have you had that experience