20 | Stuck in Survival Mode? What God May Be Showing You in the Ordinary

So let me back up.

You know that season where you're technically still functioning.

You know, you're showing up, you're getting the kids fed, you're hitting the deadlines, but your body has quietly been running fast.

on a completely different setting for a long time.

You're not relaxed.

You're not really present.

You're just, you're like in this braced mode.

Like some part of you is always waiting for the next thing to go wrong.

And that was me for longer than really I want to remember, honestly, because burnout is like a slow growing cancer, if you will.

It just slowly convinces you that wired and tired is normal.

And you know, the tightness in your chest or the shallow breathing, the inability to actually rest, even when you finally get that quiet moment, it's like your body just says it can't.

And you know, that's just, that's just what being a working mom feels like.

But by the time I walked away from my career, I wasn't just tired of all of the chaos and all of the constant things.

My entire nervous system had been in survival mode for so long that I almost forgot how that, you know, feeling opposite of all of those things really felt like.

So there I am pulling out of the lot, a new chapter, completely unknown, really more foreign to me than I probably want to admit, because when your identity has been wrapped up in a role for that long, Walking away doesn't just feel like a career change.

It honestly feels like you're losing yourself completely.

But here's something I have to tell you about that season because it matters for what happened next.

And I was desperate.

And desperate people can actually start really becoming hyper attentive, which probably isn't always the best thing for someone who's already a high performer.

But I was seeking God in every single minute I could find, like, I need you to show up kind of ways.