Raw Conversations After Dark

Here, the adults in your life ever say, "I'm sorry.

I was wrong.

Please forgive me." What happened when you even cried as a child? Were you comforted or were you told, "Stop crying.

Be strong.

Big boys don't cry." What do you have to be sad about? What happened when you even disagreed with an adult? Were you allowed to explain yourself or what disagreement considered disrespect to them? What did affection looks like growing up with, with I love you? Was it love expressed through only food or money, school fees, protection, sacrifice? Perhaps nobody in your house ever said to you, "I love you." But somehow you knew there was love.

Dad worked.

Mom sacrificed.

Grandma fed everybody.

Somebody made sure you went to school.

Somebody stayed awake when you were sick.

At least there was love.

But perhaps there wasn't much emotional language to it.

And friend, that matters because children don't only learn from what parents tell them.

Children learn from what they repeatedly experience.

Long before you ever entered your first romantic relationship, you were already learning what relationships look like.

You were watching.

You were absorbing.

You were interpreting and forming conclusions in your own head, sometimes without words.

That little boy was learning something.

That little girl was learning something.

And years later, the children grows up.

But some of those lessons come along with us.

My friend, love has a memory.

This is where psychology helps us.

Your nervous system remembers experiences.