The 100-Man Project: My Thoughts After the First 25 Conversations #441

So for example, if a guy is really like wanting sex, if he's wanting to have more sex and he wants to understand why she doesn't want to have it or why she doesn't want to initiate it, but once they have it, it's great.

If he's in that situation, for example, he'll tell me, yeah, like I just ask her, why don't we have sex anymore? And that's how he says it to her.

But then when he starts talking to me about it, he's like, yeah, I mean, Steph, it's just, it's frustrating and I miss her.

We used to do everything together and it was easy and sex included.

And now it seems like she doesn't really desire me and I still desire her, but I have no idea what she desires about me and if she even does to begin with.

And it makes me feel like, I'm not the man who she wants me to be and I don't even know how to turn her on.

And man, I just want to understand what's in her head.

And I know she's stressed and I love her and I want to help her with whatever stress she's dealing with and have her know that.

but I just want to figure this out with her.

Like, I just want to do this with her, something like that.

And he'll go off, like I said, like saying it so beautifully and so raw and so real.

And that's me paraphrasing.

I'm going to have more quotes for you by the end of this, but it's like, use more of that rawness.

And I get that it could be It could be tough in the moment because in the moment you're frustrated, you're more likely to be defensive.

It's more of a tension in the topic.

It's not so heart-led.

But if you can figure out how to be more real and focused on... why this is important to you and just sharing straight up, like that you miss her and that you love her and that you don't feel like she desires you anymore.

Like she used to send you these texts.

She used to come up and touch you this way.

And now she doesn't.

And you're just trying to figure out why and what you can do to get that back, you know, like specific examples, um, And what I also told men was in order to get into this space and not start the sex conversations from the defensive, frustrated place, it's very important to remember you guys are on the same team.

You're doing life together.

You want each other to win.

You want your relationship to win.

You love each other.