Stop saying, "If I Die..."

My mom often says, “If I die….” I sometimes accidentally say the same thing. The “if” is a cognitive security blanket I pull over my head so I can pretend that death — the only thing every single human being who has ever lived has accomplished — might somehow not apply to me. As though the universe looked at my particular assortment of questionable decisions and said, *“This one, we keep.”* It will not say that. I am, biologically speaking, a disaster in slow motion. I have a weakening knee. I have eaten gas station sushi. Twice. I once stayed up until 3 am reading reviews for a blender I did not buy. *“If I die, give my record collection to someone who will actually appreciate it.”* *Wrong.* *“When I die, some stranger at an estate sale is going to pay $4 for a crate containing my entire personality.”* The “if” started innocently enough. Parents use it. “If something happens to me...” they say, then trail off. But I’ve decided to stop. As an act of radical honesty, I am replacing every “if I die” with “when I die,” and I am inviting you to join me in this terrifying linguistic journey. **Let’s try** **Before:** *“If I die, make sure the kids know I loved them.”* **After:** *“When I die, make sure the kids know I loved them — and also that the router password is taped inside the drawer.”* **What do you think?** Put your thoughts in the comments. **Connect** Send me an anonymous voicemail at SpeakPipe.com/FTapon You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my Substack newsletter. If you like this podcast, subscribe and share! On social media, my username is always **FTapon**. Connect with me on: \* YouTube \* Facebook \* Instagram \* X \* TikTok \* LinkedIn Sponsors 1\. My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron for as little as $2/month at https://Patreon.com/FTapon 2\. For the best travel credit card, get one of the Chase Sapphire cards and get 75-100k bonus miles! 3\. Get $5 when you sign up for Roamless, my favorite global eSIM with its unlimited hotspot & data that never expires! Use code **LR32K** 4\. Or get 5% off when you sign up with Saily, another global eSIM with a built-in VPN & ad blocker. 5\. Get 25% off when you sign up for Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in. 6\. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free! 7\. In the United States, I recommend trading cryptocurrency with Kraken. 8\. Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees! 9\. For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear 10\. Get nomadic travel insurance from SafetyWing! Get full access to Francis Tapon at ftapon.substack.com/subscribe