Negotiation is Never Over: Transforming Loose Ends into Liberation

One time years and years ago, I was in a relationship with a beautiful man, and I thought he was great, and I thought the relationship was great.

And then one day he said to me that for him it was over, he was ending it.

And I was very upset, and I went away and I thought, "Well, I just have to accept it." And then I thought, "I'm just gonna try something here." So I contacted him.

We actually were working in the same company, so we couldn't completely avoid each other.

So I contacted him and asked him to meet me for a coffee, which we met, and I said to him, "Okay, you've told me it's over.

I don't agree.

I don't want it to be over." He was astonished.

No one had ever, ever done this with him.

He'd broken up with other people in the past, and no one had ever come back and said, "I don't agree to break up with you.

I don't agree." And he was very surprised and actually quite impressed, and we had a conversation about it.

And through the conversation, the minute I said this to him, I felt I'd reclaimed something.

I'd reclaimed my sovereignty in that situation.

I'd remembered that regardless of what he feels or thinks, I also have an experience and reality, and I have a voice, and I can speak my voice.

And actually, what it came to in the conversation was he acknowledged me saying that.

He, he thanked me for saying that.

He really appreciated me saying that because for him, the thing wasn't complete.

He'd said it was over, and then it was over, and, and that left him with an unresolved loose end, just like it left me with an unresolved loose end.

But we were able to have a proper conversation.

He was able to explain a bit more about why he needed to end it with me, which actually I then understood he did need to, and it wasn't because there was anything wrong with me.

It was because on his particular path of growth and evolution as a man, I was no longer the right person for him to be with, and I understood that, and I had actually no argument with it.

And he understood that for me, he would have been a good person for me to be with.

But actually, we both came to the conclusion that given what had shifted for him in his life and given he's come to a place where it was no longer a good fit, that also then meant that in reality it was no longer a good fit for me.

So we both reached that point together in the conversation, and it was absolutely wonderful and incredibly liberating, and it changed my life forever.

Really, really valuable.