Hidden Grief in Healing: Why Growth Can Bring Up Unexpected Loss

What if healing doesn't just bring relief — what if it also brings grief? In this episode of *Trauma, Tea & Tangents*, Hannah Guy, LCSW, sits down with Marisa Ronquillo, LMFT, owner of Insightful Roots Therapy in California, to talk about a part of the healing process that often doesn't get enough attention: hidden grief. When we begin healing from trauma, we can develop a new understanding of our childhood, our relationships, our bodies, and even ourselves. And sometimes that awareness comes with a painful realization: there were things we needed that we didn't receive, experiences we should have had that we didn't, or versions of ourselves that never got the chance to feel safe, express themselves, or take up space. Marisa shares a personal example of unexpectedly connecting with a younger version of herself through something as simple as a song and a familiar childhood lip balm. That moment brought up both pride for who she has become and grief for the younger versions of herself who were afraid to take up space and didn't know how to express or process their emotions. Hannah and Marisa also explore what can happen when we begin to recognize that experiences we considered “normal” growing up may not actually have been healthy or supportive. This can be especially powerful when working through attachment trauma and early childhood experiences. Realizing that you weren't responsible for regulating yourself as a young child can bring liberation — but it can also bring grief for the care and support you deserved. And grief isn't always sadness. It can look like anger, confusion, acceptance, longing, frustration, or all of those things at once. Healing may involve grieving the parent you wished you had, the childhood you didn't get, friendships that no longer feel healthy, or relationships that change as you begin to understand yourself differently. The conversation also explores what happens when healing changes the way we see the people around us. Sometimes growth makes it clearer which relationships are supportive and which ones no longer work for us. Creating distance doesn't always mean completely cutting someone off — sometimes it means allowing a relationship to become something different. And even when that change is healthy, there can still be grief in it. Most importantly, Hannah and Marisa talk about why you don't need to know exactly where your healing journey is going. You don't need to know the ending or have every emotion figured out. Sometimes the work is simply being present with what comes up, holding space for it, and remembering why you started healing in the first place. 🎙️ Listen to *Trauma, Tea & Tangents* on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters: 00:58 – Welcome & Meet Marisa Ronquillo, LMFT 01:23 – What Is Hidden Grief in Healing? 01:40 – How Grief Became Part of Marisa's Understanding of Healing 02:42 – Why Trauma Education Isn't Always Taught in Grad School 03:12 – A Personal Example of Unexpected Grief 04:45 – Grieving Younger Versions of Yourself 05:12 – Recognizing What Wasn't Healthy in Childhood 06:54 – The Sadness That Comes With Awareness 07:18 – Why Grief Is Messy and Complicated 07:24 – Grieving the Parent You Wished You Had 08:18 – When You Realize Your Childhood Wasn't “Fine” 09:25 – The Anger of Realizing “It's Not Fair” 09:57 – Becoming a Parent & Grieving Your Own Childhood 10:51 – When Your Relationship With Your Parents Is “Okay” 11:20 – Why We Blame Ourselves as Children 11:44 – The Grief of Seeing Things Differently 11:59 – Finding Hope in the Healing Process 13:01 – You Don't Have to Know the Ending 13:49 – How Healing Can Change Your Relationships 14:45 – When Long-Term Friendships No Longer Fit 15:26 – There Is Grief Everywhere 15:41 – Why We Avoid Grief 16:06 – Finding Beauty Within Grief 16:27 – The Importance of Emotional Literacy 17:08 – The Tangent: What Should We Actually Learn in School? 18:04 – Where to Find Marisa & Her Practice 18:16 – Revive Therapy Services & Healing Resources 19:01 – Final Thoughts & Closing   ✨ Connect with Marisa Ronquillo: Instagram: @therapywith.marisa ✨Looking for trauma therapy in Pennsylvania or Colorado? Revive Therapy Services specializes in trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, eating disorder treatment, body image concerns, PTSD, complex trauma, and Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP). We offer virtual and in person therapy throughout Pennsylvania and Colorado. Learn more: https://www.revivetherapyservices.com/?utm\source=Bio&utm\medium=Pod Instagram & TikTok: @revivetherapyservices Worksheets: https://www.revivetherapyservices.com/store