Jun 26, 2026 · 44 min · 10 segments
**March 20, 1833** *I think I could be happy. Really happy. I am not as wrong as all that, I could be contented.* *Even if I were married. Even if I were married to Harold.* Ella and her husband…
March 20th, 1833.
It did not happen this month.
That woman pays closer attention to the personal functions of my body than...
Harold is disappointed.
Or rather, he believes he should be disappointed and is, therefore, attempting to be.
I have yet to decide if he really wants it, wants any of it, come to that.
Marriage, family, children, me.
If I had my way, he'd be quite indifferent in regards to all of it, self-included.
I am, after all.
He is a truly good man.
A Christian man.
Kind and steadfast and charitable.
Patient.
Unfailingly considerate.
Tolerant of my... persistent absence of womanly traits.
He doesn't love me.
But then...
I do not love him either.
Our marriage is a practical one.
Made for practical reasons.
Me? Because it had become necessary that I have a husband.
We were, I think, the least offensive options presented to one another.
Had I realised that mother came part and parcel with man, I might have thought differently.
March 20th, 1833.
It did not happen this month.
That woman pays closer attention to the personal functions of my body than...
Harold is disappointed.
Or rather, he believes he should be disappointed and is, therefore, attempting to be.
I have yet to decide if he really wants it, wants any of it, come to that.
Marriage, family, children, me.
If I had my way, he'd be quite indifferent in regards to all of it, self-included.
I am, after all.
He is a truly good man.
A Christian man.
Kind and steadfast and charitable.
Patient.
Unfailingly considerate.
Tolerant of my... persistent absence of womanly traits.
He doesn't love me.
But then...
I do not love him either.
Our marriage is a practical one.
Made for practical reasons.
Me? Because it had become necessary that I have a husband.
We were, I think, the least offensive options presented to one another.
Had I realised that mother came part and parcel with man, I might have thought differently.
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