21. Do I Actually Want to Have a 2nd Baby?

No, I know.

But yeah, um, I just think it's, well, after you have your first kid, because this is a really real question for, like you, like you said, with, before having a first baby, "Do we wanna have kids? Do we not wanna have kids?" But, like, once you have your first kid, you've experienced being a parent to some capacity with however old your kid is, right? And it's like, we obviously have shifted, I've shifted my life.

Our family has shifted our life to be family and have a kid.

But, like, doing it all again sounds scary, and then we were in a good place with Theo, and so it was, like, exciting to think about a second kid.

But then, you know, during pregnancy, it's like, I'm pregnant now, and the second kid is coming, but then my toddler became more of a toddler, and I was like, "Oh my God, how is this, how am I gonna do both? How am I gonna do this tiny human who's in, exactly where he's supposed to be, but it's a lot, and have another..." You know? So it's just, like, a ping-pong back and forth of, like, it was intriguing to me because of that, because of how dynamic it is.

And one day to the next you can feel, you can feel one way, and then the next day you feel a different way.

Yeah.

And it's like, how do you make a decision? How do you make a decision from that place? And I feel like you just kinda, yeah, without [laughs] I guess, like, answering the question, but-

Well, how did you guys make, how did you guys make a decision?

It was, I feel like I was just in a good place.

Yeah.

Okay, so you went with where you were right now.

Yeah.

And if I was, like, feeling how I was feeling before being pregnant, I think I would still feel generally, most of the time, more like I could hold it all.

Mm-hmm.

But, like, being pregnant changes that, and so that's the interesting thing for me-

Yeah

... was, like, how clear I was, and then being pregnant I'm like, "Why did I choose this?"

Mm.

Because my state is different.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

And so you're talking about being pregnant for a long time, I'm like, "I know." [laughs] And I'm almost more excited to not be pregnant even though I'm gonna be postpartum with the baby, but I know physiologically-

Yeah