Quit the Game: Build Real Confidence Without Needing Everyone’s Approval with Ryan Vertucci

So what was it from holding you back from being fully seen did you discover? What were you worried

about seeing? So through the therapy sessions that went back and like the first thing that came up in the therapy session, the first MDMA therapy session, once I got into the zone, the first thing that came up was one, your life is nonsense.

And then two, it all started when grandma left.

And I was like, what is that? What, what? So then we started going deeper into it and my subconscious started pulling out more things.

When I was eight years old, my grandmother passed away and my mom was young.

She was in her early 30s.

And as after my grandmother passed away, I didn't think much of it.

I just thought my grandmother was old and she died.

My grandmother wasn't old.

She was only in her early 50s.

She had colon cancer and she went downhill pretty fast.

But after my grandmother died, the whole tone in my household as a child changed.

my mom went from being loving and affectionate to being cold sarcastic and angry and one memory came up and i didn't i never thought of this but when i was eight years old i had a birthday party and or i was turning nine and we my i invited all the kids over from school we were playing games in the yard and I thought because it was my birthday, I got to go first.

And so I go to the front of the line and my mom says, no, go to the end of the line.

The other kids were here first.

And then I remember just her just being there the whole time just saying, I just want this party to be over with.

This is such an inconvenience to me.

And then after that, I just realized my whole life I was going to the back of the line.

I was just accepting being treated badly.

I was expecting rejection, especially from women.

I was just, my subconscious after that point was programmed to not be who I was and to put on a mask because I felt like who I was wasn't good enough after that point.

And that's pretty deep and crazy.

But, you know, that's, you know, a lot of people do these psychedelics, especially Marines and military people have gone through PTSD.

And that's what, those are the types of things that come up.

It's crazy.