#68 - The Day We Stopped Backing the School: A Grandfather's Lived Experience with Frank

*Content note: This episode includes a description of family violence during a period of acute distress for a young person.* Frank is the first grandfather to share his story on The School Can't Experience Podcast. Over several years, Frank was deeply involved in supporting his daughter and granddaughter through one a difficult School Can't journey. His grand daughter, a young girl who desperately wanted to be at school but simply couldn't get there, and whose distress escalated into crisis. But who found a way through and has gained entry to her Melbourne University course of choice with an ATAR of 89.9. Frank speaks with honesty about what it was like to watch his daughter's job, wellbeing, and mental health erode under the weight of it all; about the moment he lost patience while trying to get his granddaughter into the car, and also about the "Cone of Silence Milkshake Sessions" that eventually became part of keeping their relationship strong as she found her path. He also shares the line that changed everything: his granddaughter telling him and her mum, "You're backing the school instead of me. I'm on my own." That moment forced them to ask whose side they were actually on, and once they answered it honestly, things started to shift. The path forward included stepping away from psychologists who weren't getting to the root of the problem, stopping the pressure to attend school, leaning into what she loved (horses, in particular), getting her into distance education, and encouraging her to get a job at McDonald's  which gave her something school never had: a sense of purpose, earning power, and the discovery that the behaviour tolerated in schools simply wouldn't fly in a workplace. Frank's message to other grandparents is clear: take your foot off the pedal, stop sending the message that the child is to blame, and start listening. And when your family is in the dark times — there is a way through. Send us Fan Mail Support the show School Can’t Australia Facebook Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolphobiaschoolrefusalaustralia **If this podcast or the School Can’t Australia community has helped you**, please consider making a donation or volunteering to help. Find out more here: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au/get-involved#donate **If this episode helped you** please take a moment to subscribe, rate, or review the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It genuinely helps other School Can't families find us. **If you are a parent of carer in Australia and experiencing distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or contact the** Parent Help Line. **- https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you** You can contact us to volunteer to share your School Can't story or some feedback via email on schoolcantpodcast@gmail.com **Disclaimer** The content of this podcast is based on personal lived experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It should not be treated as medical, psychological, or professional advice under any circumstances. If you have concerns about your health or well-being, please seek guidance from a doctor, therapist,...