Keep Your Torch

Remember that? Remember that excitement? We were all buzzing, being pink, talking about America Ferreira's monologue in that movie about the impossibility of being a woman.

And we were like, yes, thank you.

And we were buying our tote bags.

with Barbie movie quotes on them.

And along with the heiress tour, that was really quite a heady time for women.

Like, remember that? But there's a scene in that movie that has just bugged me since I first saw it.

I mean, there's probably more than one, but this one.

And it's the scene near the end where Rhea Perlman's character, Rhea was playing Ruth Handler, the co-founder of Mattel.

So Ruth is talking to Barbie about, And describing motherhood as this self-sacrificing love where each generation pushes forward so the next generation can push further without ever getting to see how far their daughters end up going, right? Lovely, right? And, you know, not untrue, I suppose.

It's kind of a bummer, though, to think that the whole of womanhood is has to be about pushing forward and then setting up the next generation to keep pushing forward.

And at this point in time, I mean, that feels kind of Sisyphusian, right? You're just, no one ever gets there.

And just a huge bummer that society will never allow us to exist without fighting for our place without that push.

Besides that being a huge bummer, there's this idea she articulated that mother love is only self-sacrificing.

That's also a huge bummer to say out loud.

Why do we require you to sacrifice yourself in order to have kids? you know, I have kids.

So I know about that sacrifice.

And there is an element of self-sacrifice.

I absolutely know that I would do anything, including sacrifice myself and my comfort for my kids.

But like, It's not usually that dire, is it, like in the day-to-day? But moms are still expected to put everyone's needs ahead of their own.

And then we teach our daughters to do the same thing.

And when you look at it, that's not very attractive.

Like, I don't know that I would opt into that.

If we were a more communal society and truly prioritized our children...

You could have kids and still be yourself because the community would be helping to care for those children and you wouldn't be required to do it basically alone.

But actually, that's not even the thing that set me off.