Why you shouldn't go OTD

While I received plenty of positive feedback for saying that, including from OTD people, I also faced a lot of backlash for it from many other OTDers.

And at first I was surprised and hurt by some of the critical comments, especially those that came from people I was close to and the comments that were meant to be personal and hurtful.

And my instinct was to counterattack anyone who I felt attacked me.

But I took some time to reflect on why people reacted the way they did, and I realized that most of them were hurt in life, and they were further hurt by my comments, and their hurtful reactions were a result of all that pain.

And I actually spent some time to map out the type of critics, and I wanted to share with you how I see it.

The first category are people who were genuinely harmed by various aspects of the Frum or Haredi community and felt that leaving was necessary for their well-being.

To them, hearing me say that they may have been better off staying can sound dismissive of their suffering.

One person commented that it's like telling a battered woman she would have been better off staying with her abusive spouse.

The second category are those who, regardless of the reason they left, the process of leaving in and of itself was so painful and they paid an enormous personal price to leave.

They may have lost relationships, job opportunities, community standing, and in some cases, family connection, including custody of their kids, suggesting that the outcome may not have been worth the cost.

can feel like an attack on the story they built around that sacrifice, the story that life was bad in the community and is better now that they left the community.

The third category are those who look to me as an example or role model.

Some may have been encouraged by my public journey and my activism.

They may have taken the leap to leave the community in part due to me and my persona.

If I come now and say that I made mistakes, it naturally raises some uncomfortable questions for anyone who followed in my path.

The fourth category are people who supported or participated in causes and campaigns i was involved in and championed and at times at my behest they may have paid a social or personal price for doing so so for me to turn around and question my past activism and journey is understandably upsetting to them those are the people i feel most for because i actively recruited them into my activism so before we continue i want to say something very clearly I am not trying to diminish anyone's pain, and I'm not trying to mock or downplay anyone's journey.

I am not claiming that there's never a justified reason to leave the Haredi community, and I'm certainly not arguing that the Frum community is free of any problems.

What I am doing is sharing a conclusion that I've gradually arrived to after nearly two decades of observing, participating, and reflecting on this world.

You may disagree, and that's fine, but I hope you'll at least hear me out.

Now, here's the first thing that needs to be said.

My argument that most people are better off staying is not a religious argument.

It's not a cure-of thing, as some have suggested.

In fact, if leaving simply meant changing your beliefs about God, I'd have no strong argument against it.

I don't feel entitled to or equipped to convince you to be a religious Jew from a theological perspective.

People should be free to arrive at their own conclusions.