Aug 13, 2026 · 8 min · 6 segments
Have you been naming the loudest feeling of your day and moving on, without ever stopping to ask what is really going on underneath it? For most women navigating a midlife career and life transition…
On Monday, in episode 328, I had the most wonderful conversation with Dr. Loria Martinez about emotional intelligence and about treating our emotions not as problems to push past, but as data worth listening to.
And there was one idea in that conversation I want to slow down with you on today because it genuinely is one of the most useful tools I know, and I want to hand it to you properly so you can actually use it this week.
If you could picture one for a moment, and what you see above the waterline is only a small part of it, and the vast majority of it sits underneath the surface.
There is the feelings that we show, the one right at the top, the one we name first and most easily, and then there's the ones underneath it, the deeper, truer feelings we don't always see ourselves and often that we are not even aware of.
And here's why that matters so much for you, because most of us live entirely at the top of the or the tip of the iceberg.
Something happens, we grab the loudest, most obvious feeling, and we call that the whole story.
And then we act from that surface feeling, or we push it down and carry on without even asking what is actually happening underneath it all.
And if we only ever deal with the tip, we never touch the thing that is truly going on.
You snap at someone you love over something small, and if you stop there, you would call it a bad mood.
But if you looked underneath, you might find you are exhausted, and underneath that, that you feel unseen, and underneath that, a quiet grief that no one has asked you how you are in a very long time.
That is the real iceberg, and you cannot address what you will not let yourself see.
On Monday, in episode 328, I had the most wonderful conversation with Dr. Loria Martinez about emotional intelligence and about treating our emotions not as problems to push past, but as data worth listening to.
And there was one idea in that conversation I want to slow down with you on today because it genuinely is one of the most useful tools I know, and I want to hand it to you properly so you can actually use it this week.
If you could picture one for a moment, and what you see above the waterline is only a small part of it, and the vast majority of it sits underneath the surface.
There is the feelings that we show, the one right at the top, the one we name first and most easily, and then there's the ones underneath it, the deeper, truer feelings we don't always see ourselves and often that we are not even aware of.
And here's why that matters so much for you, because most of us live entirely at the top of the or the tip of the iceberg.
Something happens, we grab the loudest, most obvious feeling, and we call that the whole story.
And then we act from that surface feeling, or we push it down and carry on without even asking what is actually happening underneath it all.
And if we only ever deal with the tip, we never touch the thing that is truly going on.
You snap at someone you love over something small, and if you stop there, you would call it a bad mood.
But if you looked underneath, you might find you are exhausted, and underneath that, that you feel unseen, and underneath that, a quiet grief that no one has asked you how you are in a very long time.
That is the real iceberg, and you cannot address what you will not let yourself see.
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