Episode #53 Wives, Separation, and Leadership
Jul 20, 2026 · 23 min · 8 segments
Episode #53 Wives, Separation, and Leadership Chris Moles
- Speakers
Chris MolesHost
Greg WilsonHost
Jul 20, 2026 · 23 min · 8 segments
Episode #53 Wives, Separation, and Leadership Chris Moles
Chris MolesHostGreg WilsonHost
What does a wife do if she believes she needs to separate from her husband because of abuse, but the leadership doesn't agree with her? So she believes she needs separation for safety, but the church leadership disagrees.
Now, why do you think I would say that applies to our men, even though it's a wife's question?
So number one, if you are this woman's husband, you already now know that your wife is saying she feels unsafe in the relationship.
And she is also running up against an authority, in this case, the church, that she believes is going to say, or maybe they've told her directly, we don't support that.
And, you know, men, she would be she would be looking to someone who says that they love her and support her to validate her need for safety, her her sense of being unsafe and and her sense of needing some space in the relationship.
We're talking about simply being able to hear your wife and say, um like what how validating would it be both of us have worked with the women in these relationships as well chris how validating would it be for the husband to be the one to come to the elders and say why are you telling my wife that she can't separate from me
yeah Can you imagine? It's really difficult to imagine, but if you're a man listening, if you're somebody pursuing peace in the home and you have in the past harmed your family, you probably know, and maybe you're even having this tension as we're talking about it, the temptation to collude in that moment.
To point a finger and say, see, see the elders understand the pastors understand the leaders understand, like it is a, it is a low hanging temptation to fall victim to that collusion.
And to your point, Greg, to say, what would it, what would it look like? It would be astounding.
And I guess the second point to that is I would say to any pastors, leaders, or elders listening in, if that actually were to occur, I really think you would not only be remiss not to listen, I think it would be dangerous for you not to listen.
And part of the reason it would be dangerous, we've talked about this, we talk about power dynamics here so much.
What does a wife do if she believes she needs to separate from her husband because of abuse, but the leadership doesn't agree with her? So she believes she needs separation for safety, but the church leadership disagrees.
Now, why do you think I would say that applies to our men, even though it's a wife's question?
So number one, if you are this woman's husband, you already now know that your wife is saying she feels unsafe in the relationship.
And she is also running up against an authority, in this case, the church, that she believes is going to say, or maybe they've told her directly, we don't support that.
And, you know, men, she would be she would be looking to someone who says that they love her and support her to validate her need for safety, her her sense of being unsafe and and her sense of needing some space in the relationship.
We're talking about simply being able to hear your wife and say, um like what how validating would it be both of us have worked with the women in these relationships as well chris how validating would it be for the husband to be the one to come to the elders and say why are you telling my wife that she can't separate from me
yeah Can you imagine? It's really difficult to imagine, but if you're a man listening, if you're somebody pursuing peace in the home and you have in the past harmed your family, you probably know, and maybe you're even having this tension as we're talking about it, the temptation to collude in that moment.
To point a finger and say, see, see the elders understand the pastors understand the leaders understand, like it is a, it is a low hanging temptation to fall victim to that collusion.
And to your point, Greg, to say, what would it, what would it look like? It would be astounding.
And I guess the second point to that is I would say to any pastors, leaders, or elders listening in, if that actually were to occur, I really think you would not only be remiss not to listen, I think it would be dangerous for you not to listen.
And part of the reason it would be dangerous, we've talked about this, we talk about power dynamics here so much.
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