Songs at Midnight

Okay, so the day starts, and you get up, and you go to brush your teeth, and the toothpaste is out.

But you might know this, the toothpaste is never out, is it? You just keep squeezing it.

Squeeze that thing like it owes you money, right? You'll get some out of there.

Okay? And you're like, "Eh, this could be a bad day," but you're like, "You know what? I remember it's your day off." It's your day off, and it starts by you figuring out that your dishwasher is broken, and so you lay on your back with your arms under there, and you get that fixed about 90 minutes later, and you realize it...

need to do some shopping, and so you go to Walmart.

[sighs] I love people that work at Walmart.

I love all the people.

I don't enjoy sh...

I mean, hypothetically, if you're having a bad day, you maybe don't enjoy shopping at Walmart.

But you get your stuff done, you come back out, and you go to go home, and you go to start your car, and it won't start.

It's okay.

You got a jump pack in the back.

You can get that thing out.

Uh-oh, still not working.

Something bigger is going on, so you have to tow that thing home.

So you go... hypothetically go get another vehicle and bring it back with another driver, and you tow that thing home, and in the process, the tow rope gets caught on the bumper a little bit and rips that sucker off.

Uh, did I mention it's your day off? It's your day off, so that's...

We still got that.

Uh, phone will not stop ringing.

Everybody needs something.

So you're dealing with that, and while you're dealing with that on the phone, you set your little sprinkler to water the grass, and one of them little tracker ones that's supposed to move, right? Hypothetically.

Uh, and, and you're dealing with people on the phone, and you go, and you go off and do some other things, and then you forget that you set that tracker.

And you go back out, but it got stuck, and it's just putting all the water in one spot, right? So you go to shut it off, but you slip in the mud and fall.

[coughs] Yep.

Uh, hypothetically again.