The Alchemy of Trauma and the Spiritual Heart

It's what happened, right? It's just we don't know what we don't know and what happened is as part of this opening that was happening is when all these aspects of myself started to be unveiled and in that revelation is when the work starts right because what we do we try to hide But then we realize that the more we practice and the more we really cultivate this self-awareness, this first self-observation as part of the spiritual journey, is that we are ready to see.

And what we are ready to see will reveal.

Now, what we do with that is important.

yet it's interesting how after two years of dedicated practice I was practicing every day and then as part of this unfoldment I was and I know many people relate to this going back and forth of the practice why because the tendencies because life because necessarily we don't have like the capacity at the beginning to have a steady practice But as the need actually to heal was revealing itself, it's like seeing all these wounds and suddenly seeing all these constructions and this started unveiling little by little the CPTSD.

It's like, oh my God, why am I feeling so disconnected? all the avoidance allocated in the body actually started popping up and this can be very scary right when i lead retreats actually there's a lot of people that explain oh but i'm just seeing a lot of images of from my childhood or suddenly just these memories are unlocked that are carrying a lot of pain And it's when the transformation process actually starts.

How we can learn to meet ourselves fully in those moments and create the space without avoiding anything that is arising.

Now, in my personal story actually it's very interesting because after two years of steady practice is when the encounter with non-dual experiences arose right just after two years of committed practice but there is where everything shifts like at least for me

what does that mean the encounter with non-dual experiences for you in the shift that happened

is i had the possibility through meditation to meet who truly I am, you know, but they were just glimpses, then you come back, right? It's not abidance in those experiences, it's just a glimpse.

As the Sufi tradition says, oh God, I saw you for a few moments and I became your slave for the rest of my life.

Now, what happened afterwards? is when the deep purification started is when all the spiritual concepts that we may leave as part of the spiritual journey dissolved completely and is where meeting myself fully where I was was needed And it's when everything around the complex trauma started to emerge, right? It's just I could see myself going back and forth from moments of revelation, peace, but at the same times to moments where I was not able to even recognize myself, right? And where all these concepts about like witnessing or about like, oh, but you are that love, right? weren't connecting.

Even though I was able to see deeply myself fully without those concepts.

But then is when we start meeting our humanness.

And that's what the spiritual path is demanding from us.

It's not awareness that is denying the physical body.

It's an awareness that embraces fully what is happening here and now.

And it's when we can speak actually about true embodiment.

Now, the thing is about the deep disconnection that there is between all these concepts that at the beginning are just beautiful concepts, the integration towards direct experience and what is happening in between as many people experience deep trauma.

And there's one thing that we need to understand.

Just trauma is not about a story.

And then what we hear is just drop the story.

Yeah, but even I might not be connected with the story fully because what happens with someone that is in full avoidance? There's no feeling about the story.

But what is happening on daily basis, we are acting in function of what is inhabited in our body.

We are acting from a space of avoidance and not freedom.

And there's a gap between what we can recognize, what is happening, and the deepest truth.