From Black Dog to Grey Wolf (S21E2)

And the sculpture was of re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf.

And the wolf is leaning down and he's up on his two back legs and he's leaning down and holding her in the most tender embrace.

And she's resting her cheek upon him with her arms wrapped around his furry body.

And she is so safe with him.

And for me at the time, it really spoke to some work, deep work that I didn't know was coming.

But on some soul level, I really knew it needed to be done.

And that deep work was how I could learn to relate to the part of me that I was afraid of, the part that appeared as a black dog.

And I used to call that part anger.

And I pushed it away and I pushed it away because, you know, growing up in the space that I grew up, Anger was something that was present.

And I didn't want it.

I found it frightening.

I never knew what to do with it.

You know, through most of my adult life, I've not known how to cope with other people's anger, often resorting to fawning, trying to please, to jolly people out of it, or treading on eggshells.

You know, all these different strategies that are so human and, you know, They're tried and trusted.

We learn them from the hands of our own caregivers and also from our inner wisdom, our survival strategies that we scrabble our way towards as children.

And, you know, I was afraid of my own anger.

I never lost my temper, ever.

And the one time I did, when I was about 13, it frightened me and I never wanted to do it again.

And so I didn't.

And so I pushed it down and pushed it down and suppressed it and pushed it away, pushed away this part of me that actually... was also held holding something very healthy you know anger can be very healthy when we see injustice when we see someone being treated badly when we see unfairness anger can be such a good you know power force within us and and in those times anger would appear but i didn't like it I didn't like myself when it turned up.

And it took me a long time to recognize the connecting thread between that statue by the artist Paul Smith.

I really recommend looking at his work.

He is amazing.

So looking at that statue that he created, this re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf, And recognizing that actually my anger is, was, is a part of me that is actually seeking to protect me and specifically seeking to protect the little girl that I was in an environment that at times felt confusing and, and unsafe.

So.