One more thing! Bias, power, and knowing when to get out of the way.

I think when we find our kids are interested in something, there's this temptation to then sort of pigeonhole them into it.

And, you know, everything in me was like, right, well, you're going to be a submersible pilot now.

So we need to go behind a submersible pilot and, oh, you're going to be an engineer and you're going to be this.

Yes.

I really had to work hard to just maintain my curiosity instead so I would just ask him what do you think that would be like? Do you think that would be hard? Do you think that would be easy? How would you feel if you had to do that? And it was that skill of imagination where he had to project himself into… a possible future where he would do this stuff and I wasn't trying to categorize him or put him you know in in a specific pathway you know that I was then going to hold him to it really was about engaging his curiosity making his connections between what he's already interested in and talking about what was it about that that really appealed seeing the pattern

So I think that's the, for parents, for teachers, for just humans in general, we like certainty.

And if someone says, I'm going to do this and you think it sounds interesting and a great idea or the opposite and you go like, oh, I wouldn't like, like my son was talking about doing something.

One passed away recently and I'm clearly like, oh, that would mean he'd be in a lot of danger, away for a lot of time.

And it's really hard even on those ones to just go, hey, just look into it and see where it goes.

We love that idea that every signal is about, they're taking this in as a, is that the right answer? Is that the right answer? Does mum love that? idea for me and does she get excited and spend more time with me when I'm talking about this all of those things and you know that would be the same for subject teachers you know if I say I want to do medicine to my biology teacher suddenly do I get more attention in class and you know mum says that's great as well and everything everything sounds great when I'm on that track rather than why just like you say why helping them understand what do they like what do they not like what's curious about it what would the questions be I

I was also thinking about how to hold your own bias as a person and as a parent, because you're right.

Hugo wasn't actually saying, I want to be a submersible pilot.

He was just like, how do they do that? That's really cool.

and so my response to him wasn't oh my god you should never do that babe that's disgusting like you like oh could you imagine being stuck in a little you know I said oh my gosh what would that be like and then we actually talked about the different kind of people that we were and so I said Would you have a problem being in a small space? And he goes, no.

And I said, oh, Hugo, for me, the kind of person I am, I would really struggle with that.

And so it was really interesting.

I heard him telling my husband over dinner that night, we'd watched the doco and he said, you know what, dad, mum would hate that kind of thing because she really hates small spaces but I don't really mind it I quite like being in a cubby

and so he was able to articulate

like this is actually I've got different a different temperament or you know different levels of tolerance for those kinds of things and this is why mum wouldn't do it and this is why I would do it and that I thought okay great

But I love the fact that you said about he can recognise that what might be a good thing for him and not bother him at all would be a heck no for you.