3 Reasons Sex Feels like a chore | E230

The first reason sex might feel like a chore is because you don't feel connected.

And I know that's a big deal because if you're listening to this show, most likely you're not feeling connected in your marriage.

And that's because sex starts to feel like a chore when intercourse is treated like the proof of intimacy instead of the overflow of intimacy.

Did you catch that? That when sex is treated like the proof, of intimacy rather than the overflow of intimacy.

And that really matters because most couples know that sex matters.

That's not the issue.

They're struggling because sex is carrying the weight of the intimacy the rest of the relationship hasn't actually been practicing.

There hasn't been any tenderness or emotional presence or repair after conflict.

Or there hasn't been enough closeness throughout the day or the week.

You're feeling unseen, unheard, dismissed, or alone.

So then at that point, instead of sex feeling like an invitation to connection, it starts to feel like yet another place where something is required of you.

And I think that's where a lot of women get confused.

Maybe she's thinking, why am I not attracted to him anymore? But really, underneath that is something more important.

Something more like, do I feel emotionally close enough to open myself up here? In other words, does it feel emotionally safe? That's not dramatic.

It's honest.

It's so important because your body is craving safety.

Intercourse and intimacy are not the same thing.

Intercourse can happen without intimacy, just like intimacy can happen without intercourse.

But as a woman, your desire usually changes.

needs more than access to your body.

It needs safety.

It needs tenderness.

It needs emotional presence and mutuality.

It needs the sense that you're not just being wanted physically, but known personally.

And that is so important.

The first reason sex might feel like a chore is because you don't feel connected.

And I know that's a big deal because if you're listening to this show, most likely you're not feeling connected in your marriage.

And that's because sex starts to feel like a chore when intercourse is treated like the proof of intimacy instead of the overflow of intimacy.

Did you catch that? That when sex is treated like the proof, of intimacy rather than the overflow of intimacy.

And that really matters because most couples know that sex matters.

That's not the issue.

They're struggling because sex is carrying the weight of the intimacy the rest of the relationship hasn't actually been practicing.

There hasn't been any tenderness or emotional presence or repair after conflict.

Or there hasn't been enough closeness throughout the day or the week.

You're feeling unseen, unheard, dismissed, or alone.

So then at that point, instead of sex feeling like an invitation to connection, it starts to feel like yet another place where something is required of you.

And I think that's where a lot of women get confused.

Maybe she's thinking, why am I not attracted to him anymore? But really, underneath that is something more important.

Something more like, do I feel emotionally close enough to open myself up here? In other words, does it feel emotionally safe? That's not dramatic.

It's honest.

It's so important because your body is craving safety.

Intercourse and intimacy are not the same thing.

Intercourse can happen without intimacy, just like intimacy can happen without intercourse.

But as a woman, your desire usually changes.

needs more than access to your body.

It needs safety.

It needs tenderness.

It needs emotional presence and mutuality.

It needs the sense that you're not just being wanted physically, but known personally.

And that is so important.