Why Your Personality Isn't Actually Yours (And What Is)

In this episode of The Forties Formula, Jasmin Dhillon and Amanda Lim are joined by coaching psychologist Dr Saba Hasanie to explore an uncomfortable question: how much of what we call “personality” is actually adaptation? Why does this matter? Because patterns such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-sabotage and the need for control may reflect behaviours we learned in childhood. In midlife, we can start questioning whether those patterns still serve us. Drawing on her book, The Blueprint to Leadership, Dr Hasanie introduces six childhood “fields”—rules, trust, self, belonging, emotions and world—and explores how they influence adult behaviour. Whether you’ve caught yourself saying “that’s just who I am” or you’re struggling to break a familiar pattern, this conversation explores what it takes to choose a different way forward. In this episode, we discuss: • Why some personality traits may be learned adaptations • The six childhood fields and their influence on adult behaviour • Why siblings can experience the same household differently • What can sit beneath self-sabotage and people-pleasing • Why awareness alone may not create lasting change • The grief that can accompany letting go of an old identity Chapters: 0:00 Why does my personality feel fake? 3:41 Who is Dr Saba Hasanie? 4:05 Is personality genetic or learned? 10:18 Who was your first boss? 13:36 What are the six fields of childhood development? 17:44 Why do siblings have different childhoods? 20:23 How to look at your childhood without blaming your parents 24:32 Is optimism genetic? 29:42 Why does midlife feel like a crisis? 32:44 Why can’t I change even though I’m aware of the problem? 42:36 Why do people resist change even when it’s hurting them? 45:24 What does it mean to grieve your old identity? 54:54 How to reinvent yourself in your 40s About our guest: Dr Saba Hasanie is a Coaching Psychologist, ICF Master Certified Coach and Managing Director of OSC Leadership Development. Get The Blueprint to Leadership Visit her website About your hosts: Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist and Health Coach helping women in their 40s navigate gut health, hormones and nutrition. Follow Jasmin Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach helping women build strength, confidence and long-term health. Follow Amanda Support the podcast: Follow and share this episode with someone navigating a major life transition. Buy us a coffee Thank you to our sponsors: For Youth Explore The Forties Formula System. Use code TF35 for up to 35% off storewide. Shop For Youth Love Indus Use code TFF for 21% off. Shop Love Indus Keywords: Dr Saba Hasanie, personality, childhood adaptations, people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-sabotage, midlife, identity, emotional patterns, personal growth, self-awareness, behaviour change, childhood experiences, boundaries, coaching psychology, The Blueprint to Leadership, women over 40, The Forties Formula podcast.