YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE MY PEACE - A MOTHER'S STORY: Episode 5: From Burnout To Clarity With An Adult ADHD Diagnosis

Do you think the diagnosis has depersonalised the behaviours? So instead of going, oh, I feel bad because I can't do it, da-da-da, but now you're like, this is part of my framework, this is part of who I am.

I know that it's educated you in terms of an outside in.

So people that are diagnosed with ADHD, they have reported this, or people who are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder have reported this.

Instead of it's a Sam thing.

Yes.

Yes.

Because I know

that

I was always, how do you put it? I could ruminate and be really sensitive to criticisms, which we now know is like the rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Yes.

That puts things into perspective for me.

But on top of it, it's like I've always thought I was an anxious person, you know, and I think I've fought my whole life to not be anxious.

And so by, you know, changing my identity so I didn't look anxious, I somehow became a person that... was just extremely laid back to the point that you just let things slide where it shouldn't be let – like that you shouldn't let slide.

So now I'm like I'm wondering who Sam is that isn't that anxious person by nature but is actually – has a very busy brain.

Authentic Sam.

Yeah.

And, yeah, it is that – You know, you've always had that.

I've always had that sense of shame right from when I was young, you know, from feedback from aunties and uncles and family about not being the one that dived into things because I always held back a bit.

Mm-hmm.

I was nervous about things.

And then I remember shame in my teen years about – I remember just being a bit loud.

I used to swim in a swimming club and, you know, it was

just a

heightened activity during your meets.

And I remember one parent saying, like, oh, my God, you mustn't get any attention at home to be like this, which was, you know.