High Conflict Divorce for Dads: Custody & Family Court Survival

Do you still have that high conflict relationship? We've heard a lot that the dynamic tends to carry on into the post-divorce life.

It

can carry on, and you have some impact on that and some control because it takes two people to dance.

So no matter what the situation, you do have control over 50% of that.

So that has somewhat of an impact, but you can't control the entire situation.

So if one person wants to make it difficult and challenging... then they're going to make it difficult and challenging.

And that's what I call the amicable facade that lots of both men and women get into when they get into divorce, but lots of times with the dads that just want to get through it and do it amicably.

But it just takes one person for that to not be amicable.

And it will become non-amicable, if you will, when one party just starts to want what they want and not work towards compromise and compromise.

negotiating and doing things in good faith.

Yeah, the good thing, eventually kids grow up, right? So you're still going to have things to communicate about with the co-parent, or there could be graduations, weddings, and just the amount of co-parenting, it just changes its form.

Because I had something similar, it continued for quite a while, 13 years after my divorce, until the kids were grown.

Yeah.

And then at least you've got the ability to you're not bound to that person in respect that you have to talk with them about the kids.

You have a direct relationship with your kids after that.

And I think oftentimes that's why that it becomes a little bit easier to manage your relationship with your kids.

It's really important when you're going through the process to determine what you want.

post-divorce because you do have an entire lifetime with your children.

So one of the things that I work with dads around a lot is thinking about that long-term solution, not just long-term past the divorce decree, but long-term that you're going to have decades that you're still parenting your children.

And so what can you do now that's going to impact that going forward? Because Again, you get into the non-amicable and things get difficult and challenging and you get just get it done or I just want to be done syndrome.

And that can just set you up for failure.