327 - Helping Kids Cope With High-Conflict Divorce: 5 Keys Every Divorced Dad Needs

And that is that your divorce is between you and your children's mother.

It's a legal matter between two adults, but your kids are living inside of it.

And every single day, They're living inside of it.

They're dealing with it.

Even though they didn't sign the petition, they didn't hire any attorneys, they didn't get a vote in the parenting plan, yet they're absorbing every bit of it.

And if you're in a conflict divorce, they're probably absorbing quite a lot of it.

So I want you to think about what your kids are carrying right now.

It could be loneliness because the house they grew up in doesn't feel like home anymore, or maybe it's not even their house anymore.

They could be carrying some guilt.

because a lot of kids just quietly believe that they've caused the divorce or that they might have been able to do something to change it or even stop it.

They might be carrying some anger, maybe at their mom, maybe at you, maybe at both of you at the same time.

They could be experiencing anxiety about what happens next because everything's up in the air, sadness about what's already gone, confusion because the two people they trusted most are Sometimes telling them two very different stories.

And so that's a really heavy stew for kids to be sitting or marinating in, if you will.

And it's a heavy stool for us as grown men.

And I talk to grown men every single week who are drowning in it.

So imagine what it feels like to a 9 or a 14 or however old your children are that don't have the words or a reference point for any of it.

So we're talking about your kids today, right? And so we're going to take a break from your case and strategy around your case.

We're not going to talk about your ex, your attorney.

We're going to talk about your kids and what you can actually do starting this week to help them get through this in as healthy and less traumatic a way as possible.

I recently came across a piece from the folks at Love & Logic.

You've heard me talk about that if you've listened to more than one podcast.

And this piece was about helping kids cope with divorce.

And it laid out five goals that I think every dad in a high conflict divorce needs to just written down in your wallet, tattooed inside of your eyelids, whatever.

And I'm going to talk with you about those five and I'm going to put you through, but I'm going to put them through the high conflict filter because some of this stuff sounds really easy on paper.

And any of you going through this know that it's not.