Is Romantasy Better or Worse For Your Sex Life?

I'm wondering, is there anything that you believe about desire that maybe you thought or you learned early on in your career that maybe you don't believe anymore now?

Oh, that's really interesting.

I definitely think I've dispelled or believe that there's a lot of myths out there that we all receive that I look at and I go, oh, I don't think that actually exists.

So this myth that desire will inevitably fade or get worse or not as strong over the lifespan of a long-term relationship.

I also think that spontaneity around intimacy and desire is not even that it's overrated, almost that it's not a thing at all and never was a thing.

So I think those are two things that are really, I think, set couples up to fail when they believe in these myths, because I don't actually think they're true.

That is so interesting, especially when we bring it around to things like romanticism, where spontaneity really is pretty much the backbone of most of the romance there.

I would actually love to get your thoughts on that comment about how spontaneity is so often the aphrodisiac used in novels.

Yeah, sure.

I think we're sometimes misinterpreting what spontaneity is.

In romance novels, there is this depiction of scenes where it's your eyes meet across the way and you can't help yourselves and rip one another's clothing off.

And it's sort of this animalistic drive for intimacy and for sex.

I think in romance novels, just like watching a fictional movie or TV show, that's interesting and potentially kind of arousing.

But in real life, I often talk to folks about who think, oh, our sex life early was very spontaneous.

Or when I was dating or when I was single, I had a very spontaneous sex life.

And I think that's where I like to point out that that sex was never spontaneous either.

It was very planned and curated when it came to scheduling dates, going out with girlfriends, going to a pub, going to a bar.

Everyone else happened to be there on a Saturday night.

I don't think any of us perceived it to be quote unquote scheduled.

We didn't perceive it to be very curated or But it really was.

And so if we fast forward and we're busy moms or busy couples with jobs and life, the constraints of our lives are different.

But we can still curate those environments and those interactions just like we did even when we perceived them to be spontaneous.

Hmm.

Interesting.

How do you think that that relates to the statement that women often say around how their desire has gone missing after being