The CALM Parent - with Katie McKenna
Oct 20, 2026 · 28 min · 11 segments
You sit down last. You eat on the run. You can’t remember the last time you did something just for you. You might call that being a good mum. But what if you’re not just bottom of the list?…
Katie McKennaHost
And so if I use an everyday example, when I think of eating, this can look like that you are the one that ends up standing up eating, eating on the run, that you are the last to sit down, that even when you sit down, you are still being a waiter, fetching for everybody, right? Maybe even your partner, but your kids in particular.
And again, this is going to be appropriate if your child is a baby and is in a high chair, right? They can't get up and get their own drink.
And I wonder even as I'm saying that, are you thinking, Katie, I do exist? Yeah, I do.
And I wonder, is it even true that you are last or is it more that you're invisible? And when I use that word, I think it can be hard to picture you being invisible because it's like, no, but I do get my needs met eventually or I do consider myself eventually.
But I want to use an analogy and imagine you then like a piece of furniture, that you are there, but you don't really consider yourself unless something is broken, that you are there, but you are there to meet everybody else's needs all the time.
Nobody might consider you and that you can't remember the last time that you did something just for yourself or just for fun.
There's a fear straight away, often from the parentified child going, no, I don't want to parentify my kid.
I don't want them to, you know, feel responsible for my well-being, feel responsible for my emotional health.
I am not saying that you offload on your child and that they are responsible for you.
But I'm wondering, are you ever considered as a human being? And if you're not considered...
And so if I use an everyday example, when I think of eating, this can look like that you are the one that ends up standing up eating, eating on the run, that you are the last to sit down, that even when you sit down, you are still being a waiter, fetching for everybody, right? Maybe even your partner, but your kids in particular.
And again, this is going to be appropriate if your child is a baby and is in a high chair, right? They can't get up and get their own drink.
And I wonder even as I'm saying that, are you thinking, Katie, I do exist? Yeah, I do.
And I wonder, is it even true that you are last or is it more that you're invisible? And when I use that word, I think it can be hard to picture you being invisible because it's like, no, but I do get my needs met eventually or I do consider myself eventually.
But I want to use an analogy and imagine you then like a piece of furniture, that you are there, but you don't really consider yourself unless something is broken, that you are there, but you are there to meet everybody else's needs all the time.
Nobody might consider you and that you can't remember the last time that you did something just for yourself or just for fun.
There's a fear straight away, often from the parentified child going, no, I don't want to parentify my kid.
I don't want them to, you know, feel responsible for my well-being, feel responsible for my emotional health.
I am not saying that you offload on your child and that they are responsible for you.
But I'm wondering, are you ever considered as a human being? And if you're not considered...
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