PDA and Autism: How to Support PDA Children at Home and School | Laura Kerbey

What does meaningful support for a child or young person with a PDA profile actually look like, particularly when conventional approaches to parenting, teaching and education are not working? In this episode of **The Unfiltered Autistic Podcast**, Amanda McGuinness is joined by **Laura Kerbey**, Autism and education consultant, author, trainer and specialist in supporting Autistic and PDA children and young people. With almost 25 years of experience in education, Laura brings an extensive understanding of Autism, PDA, education and alternative approaches to learning. She began her career in Supported Learning within Further Education before becoming an Autism Champion, assistant headteacher and later headteacher of a specialist school for Autistic children and young people. Laura is the founder of **PAST, Positive Assessments Support and Training**, and co-founder of **Kite Therapeutic Learning**, which provides individualised education for children and young people who are unable to access conventional school environments. Laura is also neurodivergent herself and speaks openly during the episode about being identified as ADHD in adulthood, the self-understanding that followed and the importance of recognising self-identification as valid. At the heart of this conversation is **PDA, autonomy and the importance of understanding what may be happening beneath demand avoidance**. Laura explores the movement away from conceptualising PDA simply as an anxiety-driven need for control towards recognising the central importance of **autonomy**. Using her memorable car analogy, Laura explains how attempts to direct, control or take over can feel like somebody reaching across and taking the steering wheel. Instead, she asks parents and professionals to consider how they can become the **trusted passenger**, supporting the individual while respecting their need for autonomy, agency and meaningful influence. Amanda and Laura discuss: • what PDA is and how our understanding of PDA continues to evolve • Persistent Drive for Autonomy and the importance of autonomy • why PDA is better understood as “can’t, not won’t” • why demands can affect things a PDA person genuinely wants to do • internal demands and expectations • nervous system sensitivity and anxiety • why trust and felt safety must come before learning • becoming a facilitator rather than directing the individual • building authentic, equal relationships with PDA children and young people • language, tone of voice and reducing unnecessary pressure • why PDA learners may need to understand the value and purpose of learning • interest-led and child-led approaches to education • perfectionism and the demand of having to finish work • why reward and punishment approaches can be particularly problematic • PDA and school distress or difficulty accessing education • the transition from primary to secondary education • alternative and individualised approaches to learning • supporting a PDA learner to reconnect with school • safe people and safe spaces • flexible timetables, soft starts and adapted school days • supporting autonomy while maintaining safety. For educators, one of the most important messages from this episode is deceptively simple: **relationship comes first**. Laura explains that a PDA learner needs to experience the adult as someone who is genuinely safe and trustworthy. Rather than positioning ourselves as the person controlling the journey, we can work alongside the young person, facilitate learning and demonstrate that we are on their team. The conversation also challenges the misconception that PDA children and young people simply do not want to learn. Laura describes PDA learners who are deeply curious and motivated to learn when learning feels meaningful, relevant and accessible to them.