Aug 17, 2026 · 35 min · 12 segments
Why can the child who is most like you also be the one who pushes your buttons the fastest? Maybe their anxiety, sensitivity, stubbornness, big emotions, or need for control feels painfully…
Kyle WesterHost
Sarah WesterHost
The reason why this happens is when you look at the brain science, when something in your child resembles an old pain or a trait we've tried really hard to manage or maybe even tried to get rid of, our brain can treat that moment as urgent.

We may move quickly into trying to fix it, um, w- try to warn the kid, try to control the behavior, or, or start withdrawing from it so we're not around it.

Not because we don't love our kid, but because our nervous system is trying desperately to protect both of us.

This is something that has to be dealt with, and it feels like an emergency because of it's pulling up everything.

Th- that's not helpful, right? But it is about helping all of us as parents to recognize it sooner so we can choose a response that will actually be helpful to our kid.

It, it's saying, "Oh, I know this," right? 'Cause our brains are pattern seeking.

The reason why this happens is when you look at the brain science, when something in your child resembles an old pain or a trait we've tried really hard to manage or maybe even tried to get rid of, our brain can treat that moment as urgent.

We may move quickly into trying to fix it, um, w- try to warn the kid, try to control the behavior, or, or start withdrawing from it so we're not around it.

Not because we don't love our kid, but because our nervous system is trying desperately to protect both of us.

This is something that has to be dealt with, and it feels like an emergency because of it's pulling up everything.

Th- that's not helpful, right? But it is about helping all of us as parents to recognize it sooner so we can choose a response that will actually be helpful to our kid.

It, it's saying, "Oh, I know this," right? 'Cause our brains are pattern seeking.
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